Fine Gael European Election candidate Frances Fitzgerald (right) and Senator Michael McDowell’s dog (left) that she claimed to have found last Saturday in Ranelagh, Dublin 6

Look What I Found at the Triangle in Ranelagh
after Frances Fitzgerald

One of Shergar’s blinkers,
what looks like John Wayne Bobbit’s willy –
though it could be an orphaned cocktail sausage,
I plan to warm it up later and find out –
the missing postman from Stradbally
a lock of Madeleine McCann’s hair
all Noirin O’Sullivan’s phones
the bones of Amelia Earhart
one of Dr Josef Mengele’s fingernails
what I’m pretty sure was the Loch Ness Monster –
though it may have been a member of People Before Profit –
Ailbhe Smyth’s political integrity
the black box of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370
the crew of the Marie Celeste
and the lost city of Atlantis;

phoned the number and returned
them sound and safe to their new owner
Vulture Investments Incorporated of Delaware;
apart from the jokers off the Marie Celeste
who I plan to lock up in Direct Provision
for the next seven years,

and Ms O’Sullivan’s phones
which Garda Special Branch are, as I type,
frantically skipping red light after red light
to deposit permanently at the sweet smelling
end of a vacant slurry tank
somewhere in Tipperary.

Kevin Higgins


Saturday: She Doesn’t Normally Do This

8 thoughts on “Found And Lost

  1. GiggidyGoo

    Now compare that headshot to the photo on the side of her SUV in the earlier article.

    1. eoin

      Airbrushing is her speciality!

      “She had to resign because she misrepresented the extent of her knowledge about what went on in 2015, she was slow in answering legitimate questions, her briefing to the Taoiseach saw him mislead the Dáil, and her department failed to discover important documents to the Disclosures Tribunal. Now Fine Gael wants to brush over that reality and claim the political high ground. “

  2. Eoineyo

    But he couldn’t find a Finna Fail (don’t care if it is spelt wrong, I couldn’t be bottomed looking it up) logo on one of their election candidates poster though.

  3. Starina

    McDowell lets that dog roam everywhere in Rathmines. Everytime the dog is caught he’s like “oh he’s a mischievous one”. useless owner.

    1. Liam Deliverance

      Would he be willing to pay €10,000 for the return of his doggy next time?!

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