From top: Henry gets a Paul Hollywood handshake on the Great British Bake-Off last night on Channel 4; Vanessa Foran

It was the week of festival fashion; Steph got a Hollywood.

But ah Michael , you were a goner the moment Alice sat her showstopper in front of Paul and Prue.

And I think we all have to take a knee and show our respects to Alice here, me especially.

She came back from a last place in the Technical and suffered Achilles severing feedback for her Signature; they look homemade At Showstopper time that girl went back into the tent as The Walking Dead and came out like a Grimes.

There is no denying I had hopes for Michael – even touting him for the final here week in week out, now he might be bound for the Extra Slice, but he is the tenth member of a very special guild that’ll never have the likes of me; Bread Week Star Baker.

So, him and his Hollywood handshake will not be just another baker to leave the tent; he is – albeit for a programming technicality; the runner up GBBO Season 10.

Surely it’s Steph’s to lose now.

She was there in it for Star Baker again from the Signature, but in fairness Henry was entitled it. Their Festival Buns, although miles apart in terms of style, had the pair of them narrowed down straight away.

Steph’s Zesty Lemon Curd Cross Buns are set to Easy. Now I would dispute that as so much can go wrong within the different elements and especially when some of them involve enriched dough. But while I’m here I’ll point ye to her glaze for your own notes; (it might be handy to top off a tea brack or a fruit cake.)

Whereas Henry’s MummaBullar cool knot ones are set to Challenging; yet the biggest challenge there for me is the presence of honey.

We have no history or tradition of enriched dough or festival / celebration breads here in Ireland, but if I were to recommend any I would use Steph’s recipe and Henry’s tight roll and wrap around knot technique.

I’ll need to get better at trapping video from the telly, but as soon as I manage it I’ll get a demo pinged up for you. But don’t be waiting on it – don’t let me stop ye.

So, having said that, and with no apologies, I’m not going to bother myself (or ye) going into the other bakes last night. Like, even if they are deep fried, I still wouldn’t eat Ricotta Chocolate and Orange Ravioli , naw’ mind making one from scratch. As for a Sarawak, ah c’mon. Yeah, lovely idea, but so are Crème Eggs.

As we are now into the Quarter Finals, lets have a quick round-up before ye go back to Brexit and Budgets.

This final five are absolutely the best five left after last night, and I think I’ve finally figured out Dr Rosie.

She’s too ould’ for a young ‘wan.

Even though Shut Up Henry is the lad that wears a tie around the kitchen, isn’t Rosie a bit too frumpy? She’s professionally qualified and already in full practice like a veteran with thirty years clocked up, and an incredibly accomplished and confident baker, but does anyone else think she’s a bit too middle aged?

I know I’m being totally unfair and admittedly completely out of order here, but seriously Rosie, you’re still in your twenties girl so look and act like you’re in your twenties ffs, not like an empty nester in their 50s.

I’m just the opposite – an’ ould wan who thinks they are in their 20s, so a punchy begrudgery is a natural occurrence in my subconscious. In any case, good luck to Rosie, she absolutely deserves to be there.

We are after all at quarter-final stage now, so all our speculation, supposing and supporting has to be critical.

To me anyway, David is still the sort of bridesmaid there, but so was Sophie Faldo until the S8 final; just saying, I didn’t warm to her either btw. But for now at least, Steph’s still my odds on.

Pastry, the old reliable of the Bake Off is our quarter final.  So no matter who your favourite is, that’ll put manners on them all.

And honestly I’m glad we’re back to a traditional Bake-Off standardised test.

Over the last ten seasons I would have to agree there is a place for non-recurring themes, like Victorian Bakes, Gluten-Free Baking, Spice Week and even Danish Week.

But the last two episodes had a look that they were running out of ideas and that gimmickry was coming into the tent; and with respect, I think the producers have pushed that line as far as they can with Noel and Sandi’s little vignettes.

Imagine me putting a batter sausage flavoured bun burger in front of the Hollywood last night as an Irish Festival Signature.

See what I mean?

So even though pastry doesn’t suffer fools, and our favourites might be at risk; welcome to the quarter final everyone.

Same time, same place.

Pic: Channel 4

11 thoughts on “Shut It There

  1. Termagant

    Up until yesterday I thought Rosie was in her late 30s but maintained herself well, the way a well-to-do woman in her late 30s of Rosie’s demeanour might. I had to sit down when I found out she was the same age as Alice. I was already sitting down, but it took the choice out of the matter.

    Reply
  2. jeremy kyle

    I thought Michael was bad, but David has truly become king of the brown nosers. He really ramped it up this with his pretentious “post modern” showstopper. It makes me SICK to my stomach the way he’s so clearly dying to be teacher’s pet – I would’ve taken his cake a flung it over a wall.

    Ah no, I’m only having a laugh really.

    I’ve come around to the vet lady and Henry, but I reckon it’ll be down to David and Steph.

    Reply
  3. Janet, I ate my avatar

    I’d like to say something nice, but I’m not allowed comment today for an unknown, unexplained reason

    Reply
    1. Kip

      Maybe the last thing you said wasn’t very nice?

      Think happy energy Janet and the comments will just flow past moderation I bet.

      Reply
      1. Janet, I ate my avatar

        no I repeat it was a genuine query meant respectfully, I also reiterated that, hey go figure, I’m miffed

        Reply
  4. Slightly Bemused

    Darn! Now I want a battered sausage! And I never want battered sausages. Normally my limits of culinary brilliance are chicken burgers with extra cheese. Ah well!

    Another great article, V. See you next week…

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *