49 thoughts on “Thursday’s Papers

  1. ce

    Hide the sausage and the Archbishop of Canterbury says grow a pair…. once again, something for everybody

    1. goldenbrown

      ah for the love of…..cute as fupp
      but you could imagine it letting one off in the bath, eurgh!?

  2. Clampers Outside

    Happy anniversary to me,
    Happy anniversary to me,
    I am 8 years sober,
    Haaaappy aaaanniversary toooo meeee :)

  3. Donald McCarthy

    To avoid detection I posted my hilarious april fool comment yesterday. In it I argued, quite persuasively, that climate change and extinction had been cured by a combination of covid and soggy bottomed tarts. Well, it amused me, if nobody else, and that’s what really matters. So Happy Easter and Happy Extinction to you all. Quite related feasts as it happens, movable but within narrowly defined parameters, one governed by Oestregen, the dainty floozy of eggy fertility, one by Testoserone, the macho bloke of toxic masculinity. And one weirdly celebrating the needless sacrifice by a well meaning but deluded individual while the other is a gloriously democratic riposte to the notion that we are in fact worth saving.

    1. Janet, chatty mammy

      I sometimes think that never blows so red
      The Rose as where some buried Caesar bled;
      That every Hyacinth the Garden wears
      Dropped in her Lap from some once lovely Head.
      And this reviving Herb whose tender Green
      Fledges the River-Lip on which we lean–
      Ah, lean upon it lightly! for who knows
      From what once lovely Lip it springs unseen!

      Omar Khayyam

      1. Donald McCarthy

        Very nice Janet, but my hungry parsnips look up and are not fed by lashings of real butter. In another time, maybe in a different place.

      2. Tarfton Clax

        Love me a bit of Fitzgerald’s translation of Omar. It runs trippingly off the tongue.

        1. Janet, chatty mammy

          Omar Khayyam was a Persian born in 1048, mathematician, astronomer and poet. He was around the time of the First Crusade :)

          1. Junkface

            Thanks Janet. Very interesting. It blows my mind that people were able to do astronomy in the middle ages, before glass lenses were invented! :)

  4. Micko

    Holy moly.

    HSE doesn’t know the occupation of 25% of people who were to get the frontline worker Covid jab?

    That’s mental.

  5. Junkface

    As its April fools, I will post some of the oldest jokes in history. I’m not saying they are funny, just weird. Here’s one:

    “How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

    “You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.”

    – Ancient Egypt 1600 BC

    1. Junkface

      In Homer’s “The Odyssey” — written 2,800 years ago — Odysseus indulges in some dark humor.

      “Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is “nobody”.”

      “When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!”

      “No one comes to help.”

      Actually this one makes no sense. Surely the Cyclops says : Help! Nobody is under attack!

      1. Junkface

        “The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.

        “Intrigued he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’

        “‘No your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.'”

        – Ancient Rome 63 BC – 14 AD

        1. Junkface

          “Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence”.

          – Written by Greeks Hierocles and Philagrius in the 4th century.

      2. ReproBertie

        “Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is “nobody”.”

        The joke makes sense if we take the “his” to refer to Odysseus.

  6. Charger Salmons

    Charger’s Jab Jibber-Jabber™

    Napoleon Macron has gambled and lost.
    France is now into its 3rd lockdown with sky-rocketing infections, a dreadful vaccine rollout programme and poor take-up of the AZ jab thanks to the President’s calamitous dissing of the vaccine which he’s now been forced to retract.
    Across the English Channel March has seen a spectacular month with the number of fatalities plummeting by 85%.
    All these figures are UK seven-day averages:
    1 MARCH
    Deaths – 314
    New cases – 7,980
    31 MARCH
    Deaths – 47 (down 85.0%)
    New cases – 4,844 (down 39.3%)

    Yesterday’s vaccination rate was also the first day that more second doses (270,526)
    than first doses (224,590) have been given out.
    The NHS report a 99.25% take-up rate of second jabs.
    The number of people who’ve had both doses is 4,108,536 or 6.15% of the total population.
    Ireland’s equivalent rate stands at 4.5% which is below the EU average of 4.8%.
    Anyone seen Stephen Donnelly lately ?


    1. Donald McCarthy

      Nobody has bothered to find out what covid really wants. Maybe like some indigenous creature wandering into our fortified camp it is merely curious. Best to kill it anyway, to be sure.

  7. Charger Salmons

    Footy news now and Engerland scraped 3 points with an underwhelming second half performance against Poland in their World Cup qualifier.
    But Germany 1 North Macedonia 2 ?
    That and their recent 6-0 drubbing by Spain can only mean one thing – they’re guaranteed to knock Blighty out on penalties in the Euros.
    Wahaay !

    1. Papi

      How are you actually becoming more irrelevant than you used to be?
      Good lord, get off your knees.

  8. johnny

    ” PwC, the accounting, consulting and advisory firm, and a major law firm, White & Case, for help getting an elaborate tax-avoidance strategy off the ground. PwC had previously been Bristol Myers’s auditor, but it was dismissed in 2006 after an accounting scandal forced Bristol Myers to pay $150 million to the U.S. government. Now PwC, with a long history of setting up Irish tax shelters for multinational companies

    “That mismatch provided a lucrative opportunity. The company moved the patent rights from the U.S. and Irish subsidiaries into a new company. As the U.S. patents generated income, the Irish amortization deductions now helped offset U.S. taxes.”


    Fergal certainly reads the NYT-no comment today huh ?

    …and people wonder why biden and the admin is going after Ireland’s tax deals,just ask Fergal why or read above.


    1. Johnny

      …but,but Fergal what if no one answers this time,based on Martin’s pitiful performance on paddy’s day.

      “The phone lines to Washington, DC, will be hopping as Ireland tries to mitigate the worst changes,” according to Mr O’Rourke. “The proposal is concerning and we will need to be actively involved in lobbying US lawmakers, but there is no need for panic at this point,” he said. Had it happened 20 years ago it may have had a big impact on the State’s efforts to attract FDI, he said, but today the Republic’s attractiveness for FDI is wider than tax.‘


      Just seems bizarre to me that day after a eviscerating NYT piece-Fergal boasts about his ‘access’ in DC and lobbying,way to go ….

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