Telefis – Archbishop Beardmouth At The ChemOlympics
The drugs do work.
Cathal Coughlan and Garrett ‘Jacknife’ Lee have released a new EP culled from their debut collaborative Telefis album A hAon.
The title track is a surreal journey that only Cathal himself can explain.
He writes:
‘Archbishop Beardmouth visits the ChemOlympics, in his full Byzantine-Slavic magnificence, the giant torso-curtain of hair announcing him. He is very gratified by what he sees.
‘Gone are the mandatory drugs tests and geopolitical skirmishes of yore, and in, instead, has come immaculate, chemically-enhanced performance. There’s only the occasional moment when the live camera feed has to be cut, in order to enable the re-reading of the script, and perhaps the replacement of a competitor.
‘At these times, His Eminence loses interest in the spectacle, and becomes aware of the obsequious ravings of a young man seated below him, who points at a laptop screen full of animated bodies – devised, the young man says, by a special form of artficial intelligence.
‘The youth tries to interest the prelate in buying into the “cryptocurrency” which will fund the growth of this technology, which is named “COPD-coin”. The young man explains that he named it this way because it represents a shock to the international order.
‘His Eminence appears irked by this, and begins to grill the young man, “You wish to destabilise your own Motherland in this way? And you dare to approach the Lord God’s representative with this treason?”
””No, no, Eminence”, the young man remonstrates, “It shall be prevented from trading in the Motherland. Only in the sinful and subhuman parts of the world will it be allowed to operate. Because those people are stupid, and decadent.”
‘The Archibishop raises an eyebrow and leans forward. “Well then, how much money do you need to raise from this scheme?”
‘Later, at the big reception for the dignitaries, there are home movie screenings. On the screen, we see vintage images of Ireland’s famed one-time Orthodox Jansenist Papal ruler, Archbishop John Charles McQuaid (sometimes depicted in the company of his earthly proxy, Éamon de Valera).
‘He parades through a life of saintly self-love (since unfairly besmirched by individuals unfit to have breathed the same air as His Lordship) – from long-con shrine, to concrete basilica, to institution of pious incarceration. It could be said that we shall not see his like again – but let’s give it a go. Viva crypto!’
Nick says: Viva Telefis.
Keen viewers of Jellyfish Bealach a 7 will keenly view this piece.
I pressed 7!