A variety of animal breeds can now be booked to join Zoom meetings
David Brent-types are wondering how
They can make all their colleagues laugh now
If you’re in that boat
You can now hire a goat
For a Zoom call. It’s certain to wow
John Moynes
Author Archives: John Moynes
Retired British Army Captain Tom Moore, who raised £33m for the NHS, is to receive a knighthood.
When your actions are causing outrage
And you want a distracting front page
You can never go wrong
By giving a gong
To a hero who’s reached a great age
John Moynes
PA
US President Trump announced yesterday that he is taking the drug hydroxychloroquine as protection against the novel coronavirus
Ignoring his own FDA
Something moved Donald to say
He’s taking a pill
That could possibly kill
So there may be good news on the way
John Moynes
Getty
Update:
This afternoon.
A letter just released but dated yesterday from Dr Sean Conley, physician to US President Donald Trump, defending the use of hydroxychloroquine.
K-League club FC Seoul has apologised after using sex dolls to fill up its empty stands
A stadium that’s empty can feel
A bit flat, in fact rather unreal
And so FC Seoul
Thought that they’d fill the whole
Place with sex dolls, does that seem ideal?
John Moynes
Getty
“An Irish Sea border is now a certainty,” said Ulster Unionist Party leader Steve Aiken (left) yesterday
Things look bad for the poor DUP
As there’ll now be a border at sea
But really they’re grand
As the one on the land
Looks set to continue to be
John Moynes
Telegraph
The grenade was found in the Grand Canal close to Harold’s Cross Bridge, Dublin 6
There were Troubles a century ago
And Dubliners might want to know
There’s still bombs to be found
In odd places around
The city, and up they could blow
John Moynes
Controversy-rocked singer Bryan Adams at Slane Castle in 2000
Bryan Adams has said he thinks that
The Chinese adore eating bat
There’s no need to hear more
From this washed up old bore
Just dismiss the sad old racist twat
John Moynes
US President Donald Trump walks out of a press briefing yesterday following an altercation with two reporters over COVID-19 testing.
A high profile job can be tough
There’ll be days when you have had enough
But when you’re the boss
You won’t give a toss
You can just run away in a huff
John Moynes
Getty
Skateboarder Gui Khury makes history with the first 1080-turn on a vertical ramp
One lad used his time off to learn
A trick that all skateboards yearn
To eventually nail
So it’s time we all hail
King Gui of the very long turn
John Moynes
The Warty Comb Jelly has caused chaos in European waters where it eats fish larvae and even its own young
There’s a hideous warty comb beast
That treats the whole sea as its feast
And if it’s short of food
It will eat its own brood
And not be upset in the least
John Moynes
Pic: University of Southern Denmark