From left: Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn, Jo Swinson and Nigel Farage
A ballot’s a wonderful sight
You’ve candidates: left wing and right
Now Brits get to choose
Which faction will lose
And which side will party tonight
John Moynes
Illustration: Mainlondon
Austrian writer Peter Handke (left) receives the 2019 Nobel prize in literature from King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden on Tuesday
Protestors are planning to greet
The new Nobel Laureate Pete
They just can’t ignore
His support for a war
And there’s no chance they’ll beat a retreat
John Moynes
EPA
The orca is one of the few mammals to go through menopause. Research suggests why: Grandmothers boost the survival of their grandcalves.
Life’s tough for the hardworking whale
So sometimes they have to avail
Of help from their nan
As only she can
Ensure that the youngsters prevail
John Moynes
Pic: Centre For Whale Research
US President Donald Trump is set to impose more tariffs on Chinese-made products – causing headaches for toy sellers this Christmas
Now Donald believes there’s a war
On Christmas, he’s winning, therefore
He has saved the day
But toy sellers say
Their business ain’t safe anymore
John Moynes
Getty
Christmas jumper
It seems that your fun festive wear
Might make Mother Nature despair
And that it’s much better
To wear a real sweater
That’s not made from synthetic hair
John Moynes
Pic: Asda
US President Donald Trump walks off the podium after the official group photo during a NATO meeting yesterday in London, England
In a Palace late on Tuesday night
A camera recorded the sight
Of powerful folk
Jeering the orange bloke
Who took umbrage, then an early flight
John Moynes
AP
Elon Musk, Tesla’s chief executive, called one of the rescuers of the boys soccer team trapped in a Thai cave “pedo guy” on Twitter
Now Elon insists that it’s fine
To call someone a pedo online
“No one thought it was true
So please do not sue”
Is not a defence, it’s a whine
John Moynes
Getty
Writers shortlisted for the Bad Sex Award 2019
It’s that time when some judges decide
Which authors can’t write up a ride
Though some folk grow bored
Of the Bad Sex Award
Which seems prurient and prudish and snide
John Moynes
Is a real Christmas tree (right) better than a fake one (left) for the environment?
One thing each child wants to see
In their home is a real Christmas tree
But should parents take
Home a synthetic fake?
The experts, it seems, can’t agree
John Moynes
Pic: BBC
Show composer Danny Elfman has claimed that The Simpsons is coming to an end after 30 years.
Are we saying goodbye to a friend
Who has recently started to tend
To lose track of the plot
And show signs of rot?
Because maybe The Simpsons will end
John Moynes
Pic: Fox
