Excitable right-winger Beck,
Has said that he’s planning to wreck,
The American state,
But this carries no weight,
As he’s several cards short of a deck.

John Moynes

(Yahoo)

When writing a menu for guests,
A chef will hear some strange requests,
But they must have asked “Why?”,
When ordered to fry,
Some prime ministerial breasts.

John Moynes

(Reuters)

Ed Snowden in Hong Kong last week,
Decided that he’d take a leak,
Which was quite a surprise,
To all his fellow spies,
When he dumped them right into shit creek.

John Moynes

(Facebook)

Best of luck to those sitting the Leaving,
I hope and pray you’ve been receiving,
Enough education,
For your mind’s formation,
If not, you face decades of grieving.

John Moynes

(Mark Stedman/Photocall Ireland)

So now Eamon Gilmore has said,
That he’s selling some white and some red,
Our guests will be fine,
Knocking back Lidl wine,
And eating a crust of dry bread.

John Moynes

Pics: Wine Collector

In fairness we must give a nod,
To the Mail, who discovered that BO’D
And Tubridy look,
Like they won’t be mistook,
For a couple of peas in a pod.

John Moynes

(Mail)

This morning I heard someone say,
“Will you read Shatter’s novel today?”
And though I’m no prude,
I threw up and said “Dude!”
Then I turned fifty shades of “No way”.

John Moynes

(Herald)

Shatter’s novel, you say?

Laura by Alan Shatter

“Shatter, an Irish legislator and attorney, draws on his professional experiences for this syrupy, heavy-handed first novel about a child-custody battle. Sean Brannigan, member of the Irish parliament, is vocally pro-family and anti-abortion. But he doesn’t practice what he preaches: having seduced his innocent secretary, Colette James, Brannigan suggests that she obtain an abortion when she finds herself pregnant. Knowing her parents would throw her out if they learned of her pregnancy, Colette moves away and secretly arranges for adoption. John and Jenny Masterson, the adopting parents, “sob with joy” when they are given Laura, Colette’s five-day-old daughter.

But 10 months later, the young woman, haunted by thoughts of the child she never knew, refuses to sign the final consent papers and says she wants Laura returned. The Mastersons resist, and a legal battle ensues between the perfect, well-to-do adopting parents and the unstable, unmarried natural mother.

Guess who wins. Shatter depicts the legal arguments effectively, but flat dialogue and weak characterization detract from the dramatic potential.”

Review: Publishers’ Weekly, 1990.

On Prime Time last week Alan Shatter,
Went live on the show for a natter,
With Deputy Mick,
And he pulled a mean trick,
Which the Taoiseach insists doesn’t matter.

John Moynes

(Leon Farrell/Photocall Ireland)

Conservative folk should beware,
Of the matchmaking gig down in Clare,
Our traditional ways,
Are now open to gays,
I’m shocked that this festival’s quare.

John Moynes

Pic Munsterfans

We’ve not heard a protest or squawk,
From the blueshirts who threatened to walk,
Once the X-Case law passes.
Was it just through their asses,
These TDs decided to talk?

John Moynes

(Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland)