It’s not often that limerick nerds,
End up at a loss for words,
Like when folk in Kentucky,
Are all so unlucky,
They get starring roles in The Birds.

John Moynes

Pic: NewsChannel5.com

Ms Mantel, who once wrote Wolf Hall,
Lost her chance of an Honours List call,
The instant when Hilary,
Decided to pillory,
Kate, which was quite a curve ball.

John Moynes

(Sky)

According to all of the spinners,
FF are opinion poll winners,
But bould Michéal Martin,
Denies that he’s startin’
To make friends with those filthy Shinners.

John Moynes

(Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland)

From high in the Chelyabinsk sky,
A large burning boulder did fly,
This infernal flier,
Gave off balls of fire,
Be thankful nobody did die

John Moynes

(Liveleak)

Stay away from The Heart Attack Grill,
Or it’s menu may leave you quite ill,
At least take a break,
From the extra fat shake,
Before you learn that cooks can kill.

John Moynes

(Getty)

So twitter went mad when the Pope,
Announced that he’s too tired to cope,
Amidst fury and thunder,
Some people did wonder,
Will the next guy be liberal? Nope.

John Moynes

Can you do better?

Oh yes, it’s a Tuesday white-smokin’, fresh Pontiff ‘rick off.

But only if you think you Vaitican…

All Limericks by 1pm.

(RAI)

Update: The winner:

There was an old German called Ben
Chief spokesman for God among men
He prayed night & day
And dressed VERY gay
But for Ben? men on men? verboten!

Perry Throne

Thanks all.

I did like the BAFTA soirée
When the gong went to Daniel Day,
He put so much thinkin’,
Into playing Lincoln,
That he’s British again, so they say.

John Moynes

(Getty)

It keeps getting worse for our food,
As safety experts conclude,
That they cannot condone,
Phenylbutazone,
As something that food should include.

John Moynes

(Findus)

Surely by now you’ll have heard,
That they’ve dug up King Richard the Third,
No more will the boffins,
Go poking in coffins,
For they’ve found out where he was interred.

John Moynes