Hugh Grant and Renée Zellweger in Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2014)
I know this is sad, but it’s true
That a popular actor named Hugh
Has now reached the stage
Where his advancing age
Means starring in rom coms won’t do.
John Moynes
Pic: Universal
The value of assets owned by male TDs is almost double that of Female TDs
I’m glad our political class
Have all found the time to amass
The fortunes they’re due
For the hard work they do
Raise a toast! Some champagne in cut glass.
John Moynes
Rollingnews
Brian O’Driscoll has said rugby should not be viewed as ireland’s national sport
BOD spoke to the papers to say
He will not get carried away
Later on in the year
All the culchies will cheer
As bogball once more has its day
John Moynes
Rollingnews
Spanish national David Navaro and his Brazil-born wife Celia Galan charged clients €200 an hour for sex with them at their Ennis home
A couple who settled in Clare
Thought their sex life was something they’d share
But their lucrative trysts
Led to slaps on the wrists
When their plans took the shape of a pear
John Moynes
Pic via Irish Mirror
North Korea’s Kim Jong Un and Chinese President Xi Jinping in Dalian, China, during their second summit yesterday.
A charming dictator called Xi
Once called up his neighbour and he
Said “We need to talk
So let’s take a walk
On a beach by my north eastern sea.”
John Moynes
Pic: Reuters
A rural parish is continuing to hold Mass at a church where an alleged sex act was caught on camera
If you try making a pass
At somebody dressed to say mass
Be sure not to falter
When up on the altar
And fooling around with their ass.
John Moynes
The Swedish meatball recipe, a favourite in IKEA’s canteens, actually originated in Turkey
Köttbullar it seems is the work
Of some talented culinary Turk
But a young Swedish king
Made a claim to the thing
And drove its creators berserk
John Moynes
Pic: IKEA
Some US republican lawmakers have nominated Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize
Some cunning Republican guys
Think Donald should get a big prize
For trying to increase
The chances of peace
In Korea. Do you think that’s wise?
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Facebook will take on Tinder with new dating features
If your customers think that you’ve spied
On them and have something to hide
“Don’t worry,” says Mark,
(He’s a very bright spark)
“Just give them the chance of a ride.”
John Moynes
Pic: Facebook
A since-deleted tweet from Baron Kilcooney, former Ulster Unionist Party MP John Taylor
A half witted unionist lord
Likes to tweet racist bile when he’s bored
So old John Kilclooney
And his tired and puny
Brain farts should be simply ignored.
John Moynes
