Rumours of the death North Korea leader Kim Jong-un have been downplayed

We know that our world would be grim
Without the wise guidance of Kim
But he’s still alive
And continues to thrive
And nothing bad’s happened to him

John Moynes

Reuters

US President Donald Trump examines slides on disinfectants during a press briefing at The White House yesterday

Trump has explained we should each
Inject ourselves with lots of bleach
You can tell he is wise
When you gaze at his eyes
And he clearly has so much to teach

John Moynes

Getty

Carolyn Goodman, mayor of Las Vegas, Nevada, USA has said she wants the city’s casinos, hotels and stadiums to quickly reopen

In the home of the gambling jet set
The mayor wants to place a big bet
And reopen the Strip
But would you take a trip
To Las Vegas? Let’s face it, not yet.

John Moynes

Getty

Running of the bulls during the San Fermín Festival in Pamplona, Spain last Summer

In Pamplona they think that it’s good
Watch idiots spill lots of blood
But their festival’s status
Is now “on hiatus”
Though they’d do it again if they could

John Moynes

AFP

Golfer John Daly – in a Trump Organisation YouTube video – urged people to drink vodka on a daily basis in order to “kill this coronavirus”

It’s time to let out a loud cheer
As at long last a treatment is here
You’ll keep Covid away
If you drink every day
Until vodka comes out of your ear

John Moynes

Britain’s Duke and Duchess of Sussex have told the editors of British tabloid newspapers that they will never again deal with their titles

An emigré royal said “One
Will no longer speak to The Sun
As we all know it’s
Just bullshit and tits
And dealing with that is no fun.”

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Scriptural boffin Dr Dirk Obbink (above) has been arrested on suspicion of stealing priceless ancient papyrus biblical fragments from a collection held at Oxford University

Even in Oxford’s top echelon
They don’t pay that much to a Don
So it’s alleged that Dirk
Took papyrus from work
To the States, and then he sold it on

John Moynes

AP

Katharine, a missing 14ft great white shark with a worldwide fan base, has re-emerged on a satellite tracking system

One thing that many people fear
Is that a big shark might appear
But a fish that can tweet
Is something you’d greet
With relief and perhaps a loud cheer

John Moynes

Getty

Paving at four locations in Cork city centre were dug up over the weekend.

If you’re walking through Cork you may meet
A mysterious scene on the street
As someone’s spent hours
Making holes filled with flowers
An impressive and surrealist feat

John Moynes

Pic: Cork City Council

Yesterday: Hulk Smash

A 64-year-old man accidentally pulled the ejection handle during a spin in a French fighter jet

At the start of an unwanted flight
A French fellow got a bad fright
He beat a retreat
By ejecting his seat
And landed on nearby cow shite

John Moynes

EPA