Tim Martin, Chairman of Weatherspoons pub chain, came under fire as he said the company would not cover staff wages from the coronavirus
A gammon-faced arsehole called Tim
(Who’s unpleasant and seriously dim)
Thinks it’s a good laugh
To shit on his staff
His soul, like his pubs, is just grim.
John Moynes
Pic: Catering Today
O’Connell Street, Dublin 1 yesterday
Though there’s plenty of bad news around
This country won’t crash to the ground
You’ll soon go back to work
For a capitalist jerk
As our fundaments are all still sound
John Moynes
Northern Ireland First mInister Arlene Foster (left) and Deputy First Minister Michelle O’ Neill yesterday
The Stormont executive choose
The shops that the public can use
But can people go on
With off licenses gone?
It’s a diktat that doesn’t amuse.
John Moynes
Press Eye
The five-metre albino Burmese python captured at a Gold Coast, Australia home
If you’re suffering fear and heartache
And you don’t know how much your can take
Then don’t open your door
In case, on the floor
There’s a five metre long Burmese snake
John Moynes
Pic: Tony Harrison
North Korea fired two projectiles at the weekend that appeared to be short-range ballistic missiles into the sea off the east coast of the Korean peninsula
All right thinking people agree
It’s time to stand up to the sea
And bould Kilm Jong Un
Is the only one
To fill all of our hearts with glee
John Moynes
Getty
The numbers of African black rhinos – a a species driven to near extinction – have risen by several hundred
Far away on an African plain
Black rhinos are roaming again
While it may seem a hoot
To go there and shoot
Some big game I’d ask you to refrain
John Moynes
Getty
US Democrat Presidential hopefuls Joe Biden (left) and Bernie Sanders during a CNN debate on Tuesday night
Lately there’s been some concern
About Primaries, later we’ll learn
If Sanders will go
And leave the race to Joe
Or if he’ll continue to Bern
John Moynes
Getty
Taoiseach Leo Varadkar addresses the nation last night
In news that is bound to appall
We’re now in this for the long haul
But the time will come when
We can go out again
And there’ll be drinks and hugs for us all
John Moynes
Last night: ‘This Is The Calm Before The Storm‘
The National Convention Centre, Dublin yesterday.
We’re settling in for week one
Of an extended absence of fun
So stare at the walls
Or grope your own balls
There’s nothing else now to be done
John Moynes
French chef and restaurateur Michel Roux OBE has died aged 78
Au revoir to Monsieur Michel Roux
Who taught British chefs what to do
He stood up to the plate
And was ready to grate
Cheese over heart warming stew.
John Moynes
Getty
