US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi hands out ceremonial pens to Democrat colleagues following the signing of Articles of Impeachment against President Donald Trump yesterday
So many Republican men
Got up on their high horses when
They found out that Nancy
Was fond of a fancy
Ceremonial custom-made pen
John Moynes
Getty
Former Renault-Nissan boss Carlos Ghosn’s escape has inspired internet copycats to fit themselves in
If you find that you have lost face
And want to sneak out of some place
Then folks in the know
Suggest you don’t go
Inside an instrument case
John Moynes
AP
Researchers in the US have created the first living machines by assembling cells from African clawed frogs into tiny robots that move around under their own steam
Some boffins are building a bot
Are they using transistors? They’re not
They take living cells
And if it all gels
They watch it to see what they’ve got.
John Moynes
Graph: The Guardian
Britain’s Duke and Duchess of Sussex are seeking to register the “Sussex Royal” brand as a global trademark for a range of items and activities including clothing, stationery and the running of “emotional support groups”
The Sussexes have announced that
From now on they’ll swing their own bat
Don’t worry, they’re grand
They’re starting a brand
To flog lots of cheap royal tat
John Moynes
AP
Minister of State at the Department of Finance Michael D’Arcy (left) with Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe
A Junior Minister, Mike
Noticed premiums taking a hike
So he’s fixing a flaw
In our insurance law
So people can do as they like
John Moynes
Taoiseach Leo Varadkar (left) and Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin will meet today amid rumours that a General Election is to be called
The grown ups are meeting today
And we’d all like to know what they’ll say
Will the leaders extol
A February poll
Or convince themselves that they should stay?
John Moynes
Almond milk requires almonds, which grow on trees with flowers, which require bees to pollinate them
If you’re trying to live dairy-free
But can’t think what to put in your tea
You could try almond milk
Or something of its ilk
But don’t say you’re a friend of the bee
John Moynes
Pic: Olive magazine
Model Kaylen Ward is raising money for Australian bushfire relief by offering nude photos in exchange for donations
When you’re fighting climate change it’s
A smart move to take pics of your bits
For some men don’t care
How the kangaroos fare
But they’re willing to pay to see tits
John Moynes
Pic: Twitter
Google’s carbon-emitting Euro Date Centre, Grange Castle, Dublin 22
Most people in Ireland agree
That there’s jobs to be had in I.T.
But will we give thanks
To the vast data banks
If they lead to a rise in the sea?
John Moynes
US President Donald Trump (left) and General Qassim Soleimani, head of Iran’s elite Quds Force, who was killed during an airstrike at Baghdad International Airport
Well Donald finds his job a chore
And impeachment’s a terrible bore
So he’s blown up a man
Who comes from Iran
As he thinks what he heeds is a war
John Moynes
AP
