We’re having a bull run.
Says single man ‘Anon’ (not his real name)
So, I’m about 6 weeks at this online dating lark, 3 weeks actively… and probably ten years since the last time, which was a good experience. There wasn’t so much duck-face and awkward selfies back then. Anyway… listen up!! 29 random things I’ve experienced/learnt about internet dating after six week
1. My first date was 20 minutes in… then she left.
2. I’ve had jeans that appear to have lasted longer than some marriages.
3. Duck-face poses are not just for teenage girl selfies.
4. You don’t need to be working to tick the box “Very Ambitious”.
5. I ticked ‘Athletic’ physique… because my other choices were ‘Skinny’ or ‘Average’ Do you know what average* is for my age? I’m better than that! Go me!
6. Smiling is optional.
7. Women will lie, lie, lie about their age to the point where they could be 10 years off their real age – above or below it! Some will tell you they lied so you’ll read their profile. It works.
8. Grumpy Cat has many doppelgangers.
9. My second date arranged everything… the day, the date, the time and the venue… then didn’t bother turning up and blocked me on site! How rude!
10. I looked at a few guys’ profiles, for tips like, research purposes *cough* but that was a bad idea…. “I’m looking for an affair” exclaimed one guy, with a picture of himself… wtf? I cut the research short as I was starting to imagine smelling gym sweat with all the ‘Action Men’ on site.
11. Some profile pics are like a “Where’s Wally” quiz there are so many people in them.
12. Pointing one’s bum at a mirror while looking over your shoulder to take a picture, is a thing. Not a bad thing, sometimes.
13. You just CANNOT be sensitive when it comes to online dating – see point about second date.
14. Some profile pics are of big monuments with your potential date about two pixels high, buried in a dark corner at the bottom of a shaded area of the picture…. like a Where’s Wally quiz without the other people.
15. Pushing ones elbows together, to one’s front, makes good cleavage.
16. Holding a phone above your head to take a selfie …whilst pushing ones elbows together, can make you look awkward.
17. Cork is not 50 KMs from Dublin city.
18. “Lean In” wasn’t written about cleavage, but it works, I’ve seen the results.
19. A picture of you sitting beside a hospital bed with a dying relative is supposed to appeal to whom exactly?
20. I’m older than I give myself credit for. There are grannies younger than me… who want to go on a date
21. You either “Have Kids” or “Don’t Have Kids”. “Prefer Not To Say” makes you sound forgetful.
22. No pic, no reply.
23. Single piece brightly coloured suit(?) “onesies”….. really? I like dress up, but I won’t date a Telly Tubby.
24. Her profile pic has three photos in a row, of the same two women side by side, in different poses… do I get to choose which one I want to date?
25. Selfies in the toilet? At least tidy up and put the lid down first, yeah?
26. Irish women are as good looking as any other around the world.
27. Loose fitting ugly muscle vests are not exclusively male apparel *shudders*
28. This is not an ‘About Me’ description “………………………………………” nor is…… “will fill in later”
29. The women who wouldn’t date me, especially my ‘no show’, all lost out on a good thing and were crying themselves to sleep as I typed this.