Author Archives: John Moynes


Sri Lanka’s captain Dinesh Chandimal wearing an anti-pollution mask during a cricket match yesterday against India in New Delhi

Some cricketers over in Delhi
Found the atmosphere terribly smelly
As a hazardous smog
Made them dash for the bog
And gave each chap a pain in the belly

John Moynes

Pic: AP


The plant in County Louth processed vodka from ‘denatured industrial alcohol’ (meths)

The guards found, as they sometimes will,
A rather large illegal still
And gallons of booze
That one should refuse
As methanol might make you ill.

John Moynes

Pic via Independent.ie

The i.Con Smart Condom Ring, described as “wearable tech for the bedroom”

Is there anyone out there who’s said
As they’re taking a lover to bed
“If I only could track
What I do on my back,
I can’t keep these stats in my head”?

John Moynes

Pic: i.con

‘yeti hair’ samples were found to belong to bears and dogs

A stuffed yeti, a fabulous beast
That came from a hill in the east
Turns out to have hair
That comes from a bear
So it seems that the buyer was fleeced

John Moynes

After a long liquid lunch
A sports star gave someone a punch
It’s rather a shame
That we don’t have a name
But I’m sure that we all have a hunch

John Moynes

Christmas jumpers for dogs on sale at Aldi

Now as we draw evermore near
To the tackiest time of the year
You can go the whole hog
And dress up your dog
And spread tidings of canine good cheer.

John Moynes

Pic: Aldi

Meanwhile…Does your pet enjoy Christmas? Send your pet at Xmas to broadsheet@broadsheet.ie marked ‘My Pet At Xmas’.

Today’s weather forecasts all show
A definite sub zero low
So always think twice
Before driving on ice
Dress warmly and mind how you go.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

US Republican congressman Joe Barton (Texas)

There are pictures on twitter that show
A Republican congressman Joe
In the quite recent past
With his flag at full mast
What it looks like I don’t want to know.

John Moynes

Pic: AP

This survey reveals vital news
For people who like to buy booze
Always include
The effect on your mood
When deciding which tipple to choose.

John Moynes

Pic: Shutterstock

Music.

Spoken word.

And many, many anti-Trump gags.

Roger Gregg writes:

MORE than 20 American performers, artists and speakers will gather in Dublin for Thanksgiving to oppose Donald Trump’s agenda and raise money for one of his most determined opponents – the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

The line-up for the November 23rd show at Smock Alley ranges from poets to circus entertainers and includes lots of music and comedy.

Featuring Susan Zelouf, Eric Weitz, Stephanie Courtney, Kori Schagunn, Joseph Bowlby, Susan Slott, Raven, Jeff Keough, Jessy Danner, Hana Lee, Erin Fornoff, Pete Pampf Ruotolo, Paul ‘Big Chief Random Chaos’ Craig, Fiadh Rua Gregg, Tom Duffy, Cindy Dallas, Megan Lovely, Harry Browne and more….

Tickets are €15 or €12 with concession. For booking ring 01 677 0014 or at link below

American Voices For An irish Stage (Smock Alley)