A bit Mutt and Jeff?
Named after the martyr?
“You dropped your wallet on Merrion Square [Dublin] his evening while cycling a Dublin Bike. I picked it up but didn’t catch you because you were on a bike and I was not (also, I am slow and chasing you in work shoes while wearing a suit was very unedifying). You also appear to be hard of hearing because I was shouting at you. I might be slow but I am not quiet. Anyway, your wallet is intact as are its contents and cash and it can be collected just off Merrion Square tomorrow. I’ll drop it in to the Gardai at lunchtime if no contact is made through Broadsheet.
UPDATE: Mission accomplished! (see comments)