83 thoughts on “Honey, I’m Home”

  1. Mark Dennehy

    Those are airsoft toys lads. Less than 1 joule muzzle velocity, firing 6mm hollow plastic spheres. They’re not legally firearms and haven’t been since 2006 (yeah, before that they were legally firearms in Ireland).

    Now, if you’d published, say, a photo of the crossbows that the Gadget Shop were selling before Xmas for thirty quid or so, you’d have had a story, because there’s no exemption for “toy” crossbows in Irish law – those things were, strictly speaking, restricted firearms requiring a firearms certificate from your local Chief Superintendent to possess and possession of them without that certificate is an offence under the Firearms Act punishable by up to seven years in prison and twenty thousand euro in fines (the same penalty as applies to anyone who goes paintballing after 2009, strictly speaking).

    Irish law. Where something being ludicrous is no obstacle to it getting into the statute books.

    1. Stewart Curry

      Do you have a google alert or did you see some kind of human-target shaped silhouette in the sky like a bat-signal?

      Or did you just sense a disturbance in the force…

    2. gallantman

      Yeah but the absolute hilarity lies in the fact that maybe your annoying wife won’t realise its a fake gun when you’re angrily threatening to shoot her in the face.

      1. Mark Dennehy

        Yeah, that’s what’s referred to as assault in this country gallant.
        Legally, if you point one of those things at someone, the law says – and has said for years – that it doesn’t matter it’s not real, the offence is the same as if you’d used a real firearm (if you *did* do that with a real firearm, there is a separate crime involved, possession of a firearm with intent to endanger life and that carries a higher sentence, namely life imprisonment).

        Of course, point that out to the lad who owns the shop and the somewhat off-key sense of humour on display up there and he’d – correctly – point out that you’d be a right eejit if you bought an airsoft replica to threaten someone with just because you saw a sign in a shop window telling you to do so.

        (Actually, if that was all it took for you to terrorise your wife like that, then you have more serious problems that you should be seeking help for).

        1. gallantman

          He could change the AK-47 one to- “Didn’t like a cartoon you saw in a magazine”. More topical, like.

      1. Dav

        The mechanism might fire it once and then probably die – assuming it didn’t go “ping” in your face first.

        Threatening someone with an airsoft gun is treated the same, in law, as far as I’m aware, as threatening them with a real one.

      2. Major Thrill

        You’d fire it and a couple of lead balls might pop out the muzzle. 1 Joule of energy is barely a pat on the arse – sufficient to send a pingpong ball flying but it isn’t going to do anything to move anything heavier.

        1. curmudgeon

          That’s absolute bullshit. Tell you what go try this out at home with a common or garden airsoft fifle on full auto and no armor at close range. Get back to us after your stint in A&E.

      3. Major Thrill

        Correction – 1 joule is sufficient force to move 1kg one meter in one second. So a little more than a pat on the arse but nothing like enough to do anything more than sting if you loaded it with something heavier, even point blank.

        1. Mark Dennehy

          Or in a more day-to-day form, 1 joule is approximately the force a small apple hits the ground with if you drop it from a meter up.

          It won’t do harm (it was a level chosen to prevent eye injury in airsoft even if a pellet struck the cornea directly).

          (No, you don’t want to see the testing for that)

          2. Mark Dennehy

            Well, no, because force (in Newtons) and work (in Joules) are different (if related) things. Maybe his cousin defined it that way.

            Today though, we just call that an “illustrative example” because it sounds more impressive than saying “this is roughly the gist of it”.

      4. Mark Dennehy

        Short answer, not much.

        The airsoft replica can apply a force of 1 joule to the projectile. If that projectile is a feather-light 6mm plastic ball, it flies for 10-20 yards or so. If that projectile is a heavy lead ball, it barely gets out of the barrel. It’s not a limitation of the law or of airsoft; it’s a limitation of physics. Kinetic energy = 1/2 times the mass times the velocity squared, remember? Increase the mass and the velocity drops rapidly. You’d have to modify the airsoft replica to add more kinetic energy to the projectile to change that (and that’s strictly illegal – five to seven years in prison, ten to twenty grand in fines, depending on the kind of replica you were illegally modifying).

          1. Mark Dennehy

            Maybe your missus Anne. Mine would do something with the replica that would require you to obtain the services of a good proctologist while the Garda waited outside to interview you.

    4. ReproBertie

      Yes, the story is the legality of the guns and nothing to do with the hilarity that surrounds domestic violence.

    5. YourNan

      are you some sort of idiot savant popping out whenever guns are mentioned? do you not see the blatant and dangerous misogyny in this? are you just afraid they might take your little hobby away? How about you move to the US where you are free to roam with likeminded morons?

  4. Newsjustin

    I’ve always thought it was a very bad idea to sell these things that look (to the untrained eye certainly) like “real” guns. If I was working in a post office or betting shop and someone waved one at me, I’d hand over the money.

        1. Mark Dennehy

          Because before the law changed in 2006 if you bought any toy gun – like those suction dart guns we all had as kids – it was legally a firearm under the Act (again, with penalties of prison time and fines). Which was clearly stupid and no other country in the world had that law so we introduced the 1 joule muzzle energy limit (every other country in the EU has the same idea, but they use a limit of either 7.5 joules, set by olympic airguns; or 17 joules, set by paintball markers).

          As to why make them look like the real thing, because there’s no law against it, Smyths was full of the same thing before 2006, and they sell well.

          It’s like “why do we make small cars that look like larger more expensive cars?”. Because they sell well and if someone breaks the law with them, we punish them for doing so. If we banned everything that someone might break the law with, we’d all have to live our lives in small gray boxes with no contact with anyone else.

          I mean, I’m all for supporting the local small gray box industry, but…

  5. Clampers Outside!

    Chill yer boots there Mark, I think the issue is with how they are sold….

    Stop Santa In His Tracks
    Having Trouble With The Wife
    Hit ‘Em Where It Hurts
    Cheaper Than A Divorce

    Although, I’m sure you cannot kill Santa, as everyone knows he’s bullet proof. As for the wife… well, you could test her out, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

  6. Ian

    Is there not a law about realistic looking firearms, in the UK if you want to buy one of these it has to be painted bright colors so it doesn’t look real, doesn’t matter what energy it has. In order to own a realistic looking airsoft gun you need to be an active member of a club and have attended 3 airsoft events.also needs to be purchased through an licensed retailer.

  7. Freia

    There is also a sign saying Stop Santa in his Tracks. And a couple more saying Put (whomever) out of their Misery, etc. It’s a joke, like the signs outside pubs saying Husband Creche, etc. The guy who runs this shop is an absolute gentleman. Whingers gonna whinge, as usual.

    1. Freia

      Actually, maybe it is a little insensitive, but the guy who runs the shop is an extremely polite man in his eighties. Let’s not get the pitchforks just yet, even though it might be in poor taste.

      2. Anne

        I think it’s called dark humour.
        My father’s humour was kinda like this. He ‘d say some gas stuff about the mother.
        Most people don’t take this sh*t literally.

    2. Jess

      Husband creche/ murder your wife. Potato, potato pronounced differently.

      Oversensitive spousal abused bitches be crazy right?

  9. squiggleyjoop

    I think Mark should be given a sitcom in which he lives with a group of walking and talking guns. Laughter track included. Titled ‘Gun for your Life’. Or ‘Gunning for the Marksman.’

          2. squiggleyjoop

            Actually Cutie Pie sounds like a better rounded and more relatable character so I think the pie gets the sitcom. Sorry Mark. You can guest star and tell de kidz about gun safety like Nancy Reagan did with de drugz.

  11. martco

    howya Mark, fair play (no really)
    on your very first comment there you mentioned something about paintball…can you explain? is it technically illegal or have I missed something

    1. Mark Dennehy

      Most paintball markers meet the legal definition of a “short firearm” under the Restricted Firearms Order:
      “short firearms” means firearms either with a barrel not longer than 30 centimetres or whose overall length (including the length of any detachable component) does not exceed 60 centimetres;

      Problem is, paintball markers are also air pistols with a calibre of about 0.68 and the list of unrestricted firearms only includes air pistols of calibre 0.177 (which are the Olympic air pistols). Which by law, makes most paintball markers restricted short firearms – the same class your average Glock pistol fits into. And, like those, you can’t legally apply for a firearms certificate for a new one; and you can’t use one as a club firearm.

      So basically if you’ve been paintballing since 2009, you’ve been using a restricted short firearm without a licence, which is an offence with a maximum penalty of seven years in prison and 20,000 in fines.

      And no, this wasn’t on purpose, it was an accidental oversight. Nobody thought about paintball (or crossbows) when the restricted order was being drafted. It’ll probably be corrected if anyone ever amends the order again.

  12. Sharrow

    Not funny as the majority of women who are killed in this country are done so by current or ex partners.

  15. Hashtag Diversity

    Honey, I’m Homicidal. Simply not funny. Domestic violence and abuse and marital problems arising are no joke. Beside, it’s sexist. Women can shoot too.

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