Honestly, How Are We Doing?

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The cabinet gather at Aras an Uachtarain on May 6, following the General Election.

Well…

With some choice, salty and, frankly, work-unfriendly language the author casts her eyes over the performance of certain members of the cabinet to date.

Grab a tay.

Frilly Keane fumes writes:

This Government is S H one T

This Government is SH 1 T

This Government is just plain shit

Whatever way you want to spell it; it still means shit.

And by Christ is this current Irish Government all of them.

I don’t know of any other Government that has been more shit.

Did ye ever see the like?

A Minister for Health that was a Journalism School wannabe only a few years ago. Seriously. One of the biggest monsters in our annual spend, and one that is vital to the health and wellbeing of all us and our families is being led by a a 29-year-old DIT Journalism graduate .

Fair enough if Simon Harris decided journalism wasn’t challenging enough and he was capable of bigger and better things.

But you and I know he didn’t go off to McKinsey’s or Harvard MBA lands or even, you know, the real world of work. What Simon Harris did next was arse around and slobber up for a handy gig. And it worked. Like this is la-la land and we’re all doing so well that there is no need to consider someone of substance, qualification, experience and meaning. But it’s not yet we still get Simon Harris. Those Nurses better not strike is all I have left ta’ say about this one.

We have over in Iveagh House a Minister for Foreign Affairs that makes Elmo look like the smart one. Charlie Flanagan is useless. USELESS. He’s as much an International Diplomat & Statesman as I’m a Prima Ballerina. If I was ever held hostage over in some place where the even the kids carry guns I’d have a better chance of a safe return to ye if t’was a Healy Rae or a Mattie McGrath on my case.

Look at Leo, Minister for Social Welfare, now spending his days sitting on his arse waiting to pick a fight with the next Johnny Come Independent; that’s all he’s at these days – falling out with the Independents. For all the busy-at-work they’re-my-taxes heads pissed off at Social Welfare receivers… remember this, that’s also your pension (and Paternity Leave) in there.

Coveney? If yere wondering like … is Clongowes thru and thru, from his toenails to his receding hair line. That snobby langer is no more going to get houses built for our housing lists and hotel room families in the name of the common good of our local communities than Denis O’Brien will offer to pay for them. Watch the developers and land bank hoarders sort out his job for him while he pulling on his mainsheet.

And WTF was Mary Mitchell O’Connor ever good for? Now she’s Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation … now there’s an Edinburgh festival winning routine all on its own. Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation a vital Government Department in my opinion, it’s as important as Foreign Affairs, yet Fine Gael treat these appointments like they’re dishing out fun size packs of Haribos.

Paul Kehoe: Defence!!!! I feel’d more assured with just a Garfield sticker in his place.
Is it any wonder they’re having to back track on Water Charges and Bin Charges.

What’s next? I tell ya wha’

The 2017 Budget. What Noonan is going to have to do to get the votes could well exceed any previous pork barrel buffet benchmark by a toll-free 100km motorway with free NCTs at the Service Forecourts along it. At least.

And there’s another sham of an appointment btw, Minister for Finance Michael Noonan. Enda might as well have renamed the gaff the Department for Old Misers and Misogynists. It’ll be like a scene from a Willie Wonka revival in there come Budget Negotiations: I want I want I want or I’ll cry and cry and fuck off.

So what is that despicable cruel old man Noonan going to have to give to Ross? A South Dublin Stock Exchange perhaps? Ha I can see it now on RTÉ News: “and on the N11.sEX – down 4 points”

And what d’ye think he’s going to have to give to that interloper Zappone?

It won’t surprise me to see him tell Pascal Donohoe to increase their mileage allowance. Because all Droopy Donohue is going to do there in Expenditure and Reform is figure out a way of taking from one group of public servants and dish it out around the Cabinet table to keep them all happy.

I’d say Zappone is going to need a bigger promise meself, a Presidential Candidacy wouldn’t surprise me.

Maybe I’ve actually short-changed this Government. Not alone is it Shit – It’s a Gimme Gimme Gimme free for all.

Hon’ Ireland.

Frilly Keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

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36 thoughts on “Honestly, How Are We Doing?”

  2. Cian

    Yeah, but we (collectively) voted in the current Dail, and that is where we got our ministers. Are there any better options?

  6. Catherine McEntee

    Spot on Frilly, you more than have the measure of the whole sorry shower, that is our government. As you have said previously, ‘ye voted for the them’ I wonder if any of the goevernment’s votees have any regrets – or, given the chance, would they once again vote for these clowns just because it’s what their family has always done……

        1. Waddy Dilson

          I didn’t want to fight with Catherine at all, and I’m actually quite a nice person.

          2. Catherine McEntee

            Waddy, I know you’re a nice person. We weren’t really fighting as such. I enjoyed the nutritional information that you posted a while back as Daddy Wilson, it was really interesting. A health and fitness column on here would be beneficial, maybe you could put something together and see if the powers-that-be would be open to it.

          3. Waddy Dilson

            Frilly, dunno if you even saw my apology on saturday before mods got trigger happy with the delete key, but I did apologise for any meanness at the time.
            To be fair, this piece is well written and shows you’ve the ability to write well thought out columns with a good flow.
            In a catch 22, what I found irksome is the colloquial spelling and narrative – I find it laboured but frustratingly I imagine it takes more work on your part to write in that fashion but it produces a result that’s not as well received (by many, in my opinion – clearly some people love it)

            And for Catherine, thanks but I wouldn’t consider myself educated enough in that field – more of an interest and hobby and the results of plenty of research of others who are educated in that field to a standard that would validate their opinions and conclusions more than mine.

      2. Frilly Keane

        Ah here Waddy
        Did you only last week refer to me as a “Maniac”

        You’ve that many logins your arse is running away from your elbow

  7. bisted

    …hope this is just part 1 Frilly…the contempt this shower have shown for the Arts with the appointment and re-appointment of Heather Chopsticks would merit a whole column on its own…

    1. Frilly Keane

      it could well turn inta’ a bitta’ve a series alright Bisto
      when you think about who we could’ve had in health, finance & foreign affairs
      “A Republican Government” anyone

      and this is a kinda part II anyway –
      “A night at the Aras” anyone

      Ha! I’m like RTE there plugging my own stuff there

      anyway Bisto,
      tbf I have neither the temperament, the knowledge or probably the respect for sum’ting about the Arts
      unless you know someone who does and would like to volunteer for a Pudding Interview….

      anyone?

      1. mildred st. meadowlark

        Speaking of… What happened to the Fathers Day yoke after the fiasco of last week?

      2. Waddy Dilson

        Where is the Golden Discs crowd?
        There should be a competition on here.

        Top marks for whoever can suggest a song most fitting for Brexit –

        My suggestions – Anarchy in The UK – Sex Pistols, The Queen is Dead by The Smiths

      3. :-Joe

        Ah fupp, it’s in my head now as well… I like that song but I wasn’t thinking about it for that comment..

        I don’t mind, though…
        EnnNNNNdDDDAAAAAHHHH!!! is on the radio slow-splaining his feelings about Brexit and Ireland from a sheet of paper to himself in some weird entertainment show of his public speaking training.

        It’ll drown out the sudden urge to chew on the table…

        BTW Why do you get to say poo and fuppk and I can’t… Is there a special trick…?

        (Jayzus, I went away for five minutes, came back and he’s still mumbling like an eejit….)

        :-J

  11. rotide

    If the Brexit has shown us anything it’s that it really doesn’t matter an Iota what level of wisdom government ministers posses. People are idiots and are going to do stupid things no matter whos in charge.

    1. Nigel

      How does the Brexit vote prove that? Most of the people in charge were idiots, opportunists, liars, unpopular, uncommited or ineffective. If anything it shows the importance of electing effective, competent leaders with moral integrity, backbone and vision. It\d be nice to say here endeth the lesson, but I suspect this class will run long.

  12. Bonkers

    Great read. This needs to be a two parter because no criticism of the Cabinet is complete without a reference to Heather Humphreys.

    Love the Coveney mainsheet sailing reference !

  13. Mulder

    Yes the Irish government also known as good ship titanic, having rearranged the chairs again to allow some of the lower deck passengers on the actual deck, namely the independents, who be independent of mind and spirit and common sense, the good ship has had a very rough voyage, very slow to start, nearly sank, first time out, from the dock, it has now, managed to hit, an ice berg called Brexit.
    Launch the life boats.
    Ohh sugar, no life boats.
    Cause FF, had the smart cute hoor, timing to have already launched them.
    This ship may actually, sink.
    Do not tell Enda.
    But then no one bothers to tell him anything, anyway.
    Except, to inform him of his options, the door or exit be over there.

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