The Bodyguard 2: Bodyguard Harder


Yesterday, we asked you to give an ‘elevator pitch’ for Bodyguard 2.

On offer were four tickets to see an exclusive screening of The Bodyguard (1992) on March 28 at selected ODEON cinemas.

We have whittled down the entries to five pitches.

Daisy Chainsaw‘s pitch:

Bodyguard 2: Electric Boogaloo. Frank Farmer’s son by a heretofore unmentioned ex wife, (Liam Hemsworth) follows in his father’s footsteps protecting former child star turned wild child Wiley Myrus (Miley Cyrus), famous for her role as Dakota North, a teenage singer who nobody recognised without her wig. She’s been getting threats from an anonymous source that eventually turns out to be Farmer’s other son (Chris Hemsworth).

Optimus Grime‘s pitch:

Having prevented so many assassination attempts on various clients Frank finds there’s a hit out on him and at his age HE needs a bodyguard, who of course in these modern times, is a woman. Hilarity ensues in Bodyguard 2 – The Bodyguard’s Bodyguard

Weldoninhio‘s pitch

Bodyguard 2: Bodyguard Harder. Frank is protecting a billionaire in the middle of a messy divorce, everything is almost finalised and the divorce will be done and dusted in 48 hours. His client is worried that his ex will try and bump him off before the divorce gets over the line so that she can keep his fortune. With just the weekend to go, Frank’s client is poisoned. With his last few breaths, he asks Frank to pretend he is still alive until the divorce is through. Frank, dutybound, agrees. Cue, hilarious Weekend At Bernie’s comedy as Frank tries to keep his client out of the way of doctors, his ex-wife and bullets and bombs.

Cloud‘s pitch:

‘It opens with Rachel Marron’s death, Frank Farmer tweets: ‘Rachel has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. @’.  The rest of it will just write itself.

Cool Hand Lucan’s pitch:

Bodyguard 2: Riverguard. Michael Flatley plays both the role of bodyguard and entertainment star. The two Flatleys fall in love with each coz they’re both rides. The third act is largely CGI gay porn set to a trad Irish soundtrack.

Only YOU can decide.

Lines must close at 7pm MIDNIGHT!

Screening tickets here.


Yesterday: And I, I Will Always Watch You-Uuuu

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14 thoughts on “The Bodyguard 2: Bodyguard Harder

  1. Boj

    Trouble’s coordination joke was the highlight for me on that story. Still tittering today about it.

    1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

      Just saw it now. Class. I’m going to use it tomorrow night when I’ve had a few and enter show-off mode.

  2. Clampers Outside!

    it’s a toss of a coin between Daisy and Weldoninhio for me :)

    tagline – “… bodyguards to hold the snacks and protect them.” …and with popcorn butter bind them.

    1. Andyourpointiswhatexactly?

      Oh no!! We taped the theme tune off the telly and used play it in the garden running around pretending to be in helicopters.

  3. realPolithicks

    Its got to be Daisy, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth would make a lovely couple in real life…

  4. Slightly Bemused

    I’m with the Daisy option. Battle of the Hemsworths would be worth seeing :)

  5. Daisy Chainsaw

    Lads and Ladies, I’m humbled and indeed, honoured by your votes, but I can’t go due to a prior engagement in Thurles that night.

    Meanwhile, Cool Hand Lucan gets my vote.

  6. Ben Redmond

    A Bodyguard’s gotta do what a Bodyguard’s gotta do. And a spoiled-rotten vulnerable rich girl’s gotta swoon ‘coz she’s gotta swoon. After surviving a hail of bombs, bullets and mafiosi kidnappers she can go on to emulate Paris Hilton by starring in her own vanity television show. And live happily ever after.

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