The California Reaper, world’s hottest chili, now available in Ireland

If you’re going to barbecue meat
And you’re planning to ramp up the heat
Be warned that the Reaper
Might make you a weeper
This chili just cannot be beat.

John Moynes

Pic: Crazy Hot Seeds

Some people in north eastern Spain
Have said they don’t want to remain
They just can’t go on
Being ruled by King Juan
Will Madrid’s power now start to wane?

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

A new scientific report
Will make all our patriots snort
In the shadow too much
Of the towering Dutch
Once more the Irish come up short.

John Moynes

Graph: Women’s Health

If you have a troublesome wife
Who causes you heartbreak and strife
You may have to wait
For your big court date
Irish marriage has a long half life.

John Moynes

Graph via Irish Times

Donald Trump closes the republican National Congress in Cleveland, Ohio last night

The candidate said he’d restore
Security, jobs and much more
All good things must end
As we must attend
America, baptised in gore.

John Moynes

Pic: Alex Wong/Getty

Ted Cruz at the Republican National Congress in Cleveland, Ohio last night

A bitter old also-ran, Ted
Let a rush of blood go to this head
He got a loud boo
From more than a few
When he left his endorsement unsaid.

John Moynes

Pic: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Seanad Éireann chamber

The Senate’s important you know
So they talked about Pokémon Go
Which they think is a great
Way for teens to lose weight
They’ve endorsed it with heartfelt gusto.

John Moynes

So that’s pretty blatant, right? pic.twitter.com/EPnHME7afV

— Mike Hearn (@mikehearn) July 19, 2016

When Melania stood up to to tell
Her story, it started off well
But many a word
Had been already heard
In a previous speech by Michelle.

John Moynes

Tom Currie has quit his job to hunt Pokémon

Tim needed a long break and so
He downloaded Pokémon Go
Now he wanders about
With his mobile phone out
Through sunshine, or wind, rain or snow.

John Moynes

Pic via Tom Currie