Author Archives: John Moynes

Socialist Party TD Paul Murphy suggests a Trotsky-like ‘united front’ against Sinn Féin’s “nationalist, pro-capitalist’ agenda in internal party documents

All clear thinking comrades agree
With the tactics of Leon Trotsky
And if battles are fought
Using critical thought
Then we’ll march to a left victory

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Yesterday: Hard To Swallow

The skull of “The Crusader” (above) taken from a crypt in St. Michan’s church, Dublin

The guards have recovered the head
Of someone eight hundred years dead
Which was stolen last week
By a vandalous clique
Who should sleep on a hard Mountjoy bed

John Moynes

Rollingnews

National Dairy Council boss Zoe Kavanagh predicts the vegan trend will only last two to three more years

Some vegans might get a bit mad
To hear that their lifestyle’s a fad
According to these
People who sell us cheese
Are they biased? Well maybe a tad

John Moynes

Pic: NDC

Communications Minister Richard Bruton said a new online watchdog would regulate all video-sharing platforms based in Ireland

If you’ve ever encountered a swine
Who is acting the bully online
The government say
There’s a law on the way
To make IT firms cough up a fine

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Two Northern Ireland fishing boats (above) have been impounded by the Irish Navy at Clogherhead Harbour, County Louth

When looking for fish in the sea
Make sure you’re where you’re meant to be
You may think it’s grand
To stay close to the land
But some chaps with guns may disagree

John Moynes

Pic: BBC

US president Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen testifies against Mr Trump before the House Oversight Committee yesterday

The blue team say “Cohen, let’s go
Speak of Trump, tell us all that you know”
Then the red team all squeal
“Did you get a book deal?”
And repeat. That’s the gist of the show

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Yesterday: ‘Shame On You’

A male sewer rat (above) described as having too much Winterspeck – literally ‘Winter bacon’ – attempts to crawl out of a manhole cover in the German town of Bensheim

Some firefighters slid down their pole
To go free a rat from a hole
It was shocked to learn that
It had gained so much fat
And agreed to learn more self control

John Moynes

Pic: Hessenschau

Outside St Michan’s Church, Dublin yesterday after thieves vandalised its crypt and removed the head of an 800 year old mummy known as ‘The Crusader’

On Sunday some dickheads climbed down
To a crypt in the heart of our town
And then for a lark
What they did in the dark
Would make anyone civilised frown

John Moynes

Leah Farrell/RollingNews

European Union Council President Donald Tusk (right) with British Prime Minister Theresa May during a summit of EU and Arab leaders in Egypt yesterday

It seems that Prime Minister May
Has figured out a cunning way
To keep her plan alive
She’ll merely contrive
To call for another delay.

John Moynes

Pic: AP

The Metrolink south section is to be abandoned following opposition to proposals to close a road linking Ranelagh and Rathmines in Dublin 6.

A road closure near the Green Line
Caused locals to get up and whine
And kick up a stink
About the MetroLink
And Minister Ross was supine

John Moynes