Golfer John Daly – in a Trump Organisation YouTube video – urged people to drink vodka on a daily basis in order to “kill this coronavirus”

It’s time to let out a loud cheer
As at long last a treatment is here
You’ll keep Covid away
If you drink every day
Until vodka comes out of your ear

John Moynes

Britain’s Duke and Duchess of Sussex have told the editors of British tabloid newspapers that they will never again deal with their titles

An emigré royal said “One
Will no longer speak to The Sun
As we all know it’s
Just bullshit and tits
And dealing with that is no fun.”

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Scriptural boffin Dr Dirk Obbink (above) has been arrested on suspicion of stealing priceless ancient papyrus biblical fragments from a collection held at Oxford University

Even in Oxford’s top echelon
They don’t pay that much to a Don
So it’s alleged that Dirk
Took papyrus from work
To the States, and then he sold it on

John Moynes

AP

Katharine, a missing 14ft great white shark with a worldwide fan base, has re-emerged on a satellite tracking system

One thing that many people fear
Is that a big shark might appear
But a fish that can tweet
Is something you’d greet
With relief and perhaps a loud cheer

John Moynes

Getty

Paving at four locations in Cork city centre were dug up over the weekend.

If you’re walking through Cork you may meet
A mysterious scene on the street
As someone’s spent hours
Making holes filled with flowers
An impressive and surrealist feat

John Moynes

Pic: Cork City Council

Yesterday: Hulk Smash

A 64-year-old man accidentally pulled the ejection handle during a spin in a French fighter jet

At the start of an unwanted flight
A French fellow got a bad fright
He beat a retreat
By ejecting his seat
And landed on nearby cow shite

John Moynes

EPA

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is out of intensive care at St Thomas’ Hospital, London

Playing Churchill can seem like more fun
Than actually getting work done
Then a virus arrives
And starts threatening lives
And you have to rely on the Hun

John Moynes

Getty

Baldwin Street in Dunedin, New Zealand (left) has controversially reclaimed the title of the ‘world’s steepest hill’ from Ffordd Pen Llech in Harlech, Wales (right)

In Harlech they have a steep street
Which the locals thought couldn’t be beat
Till a Kiwi appeal
Made the judging team feel
Inclined to rewrite the rule sheet

John Moynes

Getty/Facebook

US President Donald Trump with the executive executive order on space policy

America’s leading buffoon
Has issued an order that soon
They’ll rejoin the race
To our neighbour in space
And set about mining the moon

John Moynes

Getty