Otonamaki involves replicating how babies are swaddled at birth

If you’re looking to tighten your bum
Or shift some of the flab from your tum
You can try something wacky
Like Otonamaki
Or a yoga that will make you cum

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Charles Coyle, General Manager of Tayto Park, Ashbourne, County Meath

Now Tayto are quite keen that you
Won’t know how many died in their zoo
As the list of the dead
Might leave them in the red
So I’m guessing it’s more than a few

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Britain’s deputy Prime Minister, Damian Green, who resigned yesterday.

May’s ally, poor Damian Green
Is departing the Downing Street scene
As he once took a look
At some internet muck
And fibbed when he should have come clean

John Moynes

Pic: AFP

The Gulf Corvina (above) whose loud lovemaking can deafen dolphins

The corvina, a Mexican fish
Mates so loudly it sometimes must wish
It could turn down the sound
When there’s trawlers around
And not end up served on a dish

John Moynes

Pic AFP

The HMS Queen Elizabeth, Britain’s new aircraft carrier, is leaking

There’s been quite a panicky scene
On a ship that’s named after the queen
It seems one shaft seal
Wasn’t quite the real deal
Which caused leaking that was unforeseen.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Of late I’ve been driven quite mad
By a half-witted newspaper fad
Some hacks think that “cozy”
Sounds so much more rosy
Translated, which I think is sad.

John Moynes

Pic: Shutterstock

The management at Ryanair
Were facing a pre-Christmas scare
They knew they’d not like
A holiday strike
So they’ve said that they’ll start to play fair

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Earlier: That’s Gotta Hurt

British Prime Minister Theresa May in the House of Commons yesterday

It wasn’t a very good day
For beleaguered Prime Minister May
You’ll hear many a wail
From the bold Daily Mail
As the brexiteers all lose their way

John Moynes

Pic: Evening Standard

Tea towel on sale at London bookstore Housmans

In every good kitchen you’ll see
A towel to clean up spilt tea
No one will object
If the towel is checked
Just don’t slag off the poor DUP

John Moynes

Pic via Housmans

An artist’s impression of interstellar asteroid`Oumuamua’

There’s something big coming this way
So astronomers, starting today
Are launching a race
To find out if Space
Has anything worthwhile to say

John Moynes

Pic via The Guardian