Today in Japan there’s no news
As the big media companies choose
To give all their workers
The right to be shirkers
And curl up in bed and just snooze

John Moynes

Pic via Guardian

UK Prime Minister Theresa May and EU Commission President Jean Claude Juncker

Theresa and Jean-Claude both feel
That they’ve nailed down a workable deal
In which not much will change
Which feels rather strange
It’s almost like Brexit’s not real.

John Moynes

Pic: AFP/Getty

Earlier: The End Of The Beginning

Neapolitan pizza makers prepare pizzas in a bottega in Naples, Italy yesterday

If you like your pizza base thin
And airy then give it a spin
But don’t you dare start
To learn this great art
Outside Naples, for that’s now a sin.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Thérèse Dreaming by Balthus at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

A work in the old New York Met
Is making some people upset
The spokesman Ken Weinne
Thinks the painting is fine
The petition though causes regret

John Moynes

A pharmacy boffin has said
That a drinker who’s going to bed
Should not pop a pill
To avoid feeling ill
As it won’t help to lighten their head

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Sri Lanka’s captain Dinesh Chandimal wearing an anti-pollution mask during a cricket match yesterday against India in New Delhi

Some cricketers over in Delhi
Found the atmosphere terribly smelly
As a hazardous smog
Made them dash for the bog
And gave each chap a pain in the belly

John Moynes

Pic: AP

The plant in County Louth processed vodka from ‘denatured industrial alcohol’ (meths)

The guards found, as they sometimes will,
A rather large illegal still
And gallons of booze
That one should refuse
As methanol might make you ill.

John Moynes

Pic via Independent.ie

The i.Con Smart Condom Ring, described as “wearable tech for the bedroom”

Is there anyone out there who’s said
As they’re taking a lover to bed
“If I only could track
What I do on my back,
I can’t keep these stats in my head”?

John Moynes

Pic: i.con

‘yeti hair’ samples were found to belong to bears and dogs

A stuffed yeti, a fabulous beast
That came from a hill in the east
Turns out to have hair
That comes from a bear
So it seems that the buyer was fleeced

John Moynes

After a long liquid lunch
A sports star gave someone a punch
It’s rather a shame
That we don’t have a name
But I’m sure that we all have a hunch

John Moynes