A bright spark from Clapham called Matt
Went to Kerry and decided that
He’d dress like a priest
And act like a beast
And let the world know he’s a twat.

John Moynes

Pic: RTÉ

We live in a wonderful time
For fans of Victorian crime
For now you can see
If your family tree
Has roots that are coated in grime.

John Moynes

Remember, back in July, that
We published a rather odd stat?
Well in the EU
They’re not sure it’s true
So they’re sending some lads for a chat.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Independent TD Danny Healy Rae

That civilised chap, Healy-Rae,
Waves climate change worries away
He’s such a bright spark
He knows Noah’s Ark
Proves we won’t face a global doomsday.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

It’s time for us all to bewail
This worrying, heartbreaking tale
The result today comes
For the big test in sums
And twenty percent of them fail.

John Moynes

Pic via Dublin School of Grinds

In a search for the friendliest place
Two Irish towns made a good case
But why can’t you see
The banks of the Lee
On this list? Why it’s such a disgrace.

John Moynes

Pic: CNN

A convenient, punctual bus
Is treasured by each one of us
But without a pay hike
They may go on strike
Thus causing a terrible fuss.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Éamon de Valera

Dev said no to the IRB
Beneath a fine horse chestnut tree
It’s why he was not
By firing squad shot
An escape that filled Ireland with glee

John Moynes

Pic via RTÉ

Shane Ross, Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport

The pundits are getting quite cross
With the underperforming Shane Ross
They’re making the claim
He sees each foreign game
But beyond that does not give a toss.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Donald Trump addresses a rally in North Carolina yesterday

An American Supreme Court Judge
Once appointed is tricky to budge
If Donald can’t say
“Just go out and slay”
He can at least give you a nudge.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty