Eric Clapton and a 28-pound Salmon caught in Iceland

Its every old rock hero’s wish
To capture a very big fish
There’s only one flaw
An Icelandic law
Let the salmon escape Eric’s dish.

John Moynes

Pic: Vatnsdalsa.is

A fellow called Akihito
Who’s eighty two years old you know
Is the number one man
In all of Japan
But he’s hinted he may have to go.

John Moynes

Illustration: CNN

Irish boxer Michael O’Reilly

In Rio have we any hope
Of beating the Russians? Well nope
We’ve the passion and heat
It takes to compete
But so far we’ve only one dope.

John Moynes

Pic: RTÉ

Junior minister John Halligan at government buildings

Though Halligan wants you to know
That he’s sound on the whole UFO
Question, he’ll reveal
That God isn’t real
So we’re fine if we let the Eighth go.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

The archbishop didn’t quite say
That he’s worried Maynooth’s a bit gay
Just that things were quite strange
So instead he’d arrange
For his students to go far away.

John Moynes

Montage: Metro.co.uk

It’s time to stand up and proclaim
That this news drapes our nation in shame
We all need a laugh
But the newspaper staff
Are refusing to give us his name.

John Moynes

Hillary Clinton at the US Democratic Party’s National Convention last night

So Hillary now takes her turn
To speak to the people who yearn
For competent rule
But more than one fool
Insisted on chanting for Bern.

John Moynes

The California Reaper, world’s hottest chili, now available in Ireland

If you’re going to barbecue meat
And you’re planning to ramp up the heat
Be warned that the Reaper
Might make you a weeper
This chili just cannot be beat.

John Moynes

Pic: Crazy Hot Seeds

Some people in north eastern Spain
Have said they don’t want to remain
They just can’t go on
Being ruled by King Juan
Will Madrid’s power now start to wane?

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

A new scientific report
Will make all our patriots snort
In the shadow too much
Of the towering Dutch
Once more the Irish come up short.

John Moynes

Graph: Women’s Health