Met Éireann has issued an alert to farmers warning of weather conditions ‘conducive to the spread of potato blight’
It seems that the weather soon might
Be cause for good cheer and delight
But sadly it could
Be bad for the spud
As the boffins are warning of blight
John Moynes
Pic: Shutterstock
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s aide Dominic Cummings, who is accused of flouting lockdown rules, at Downing Street yesterday
Now Dominic likes to explain
That he has a superior brain
And Johnson agrees
Which means that he sees
To not back him would just be insane
John Moynes
Getty
Director of the French intelligence service says he needs geeks, not just ‘supermen’ like James Bond, played by Daniel Craig (above)
The French have decided to try
To hire a new type of spy
They’ve put out the word
That they’re seeking a nerd
Who can write C++ on the fly
John Moynes
Pic: Universal Pictures
A variety of animal breeds can now be booked to join Zoom meetings
David Brent-types are wondering how
They can make all their colleagues laugh now
If you’re in that boat
You can now hire a goat
For a Zoom call. It’s certain to wow
John Moynes
Retired British Army Captain Tom Moore, who raised £33m for the NHS, is to receive a knighthood.
When your actions are causing outrage
And you want a distracting front page
You can never go wrong
By giving a gong
To a hero who’s reached a great age
John Moynes
PA
US President Trump announced yesterday that he is taking the drug hydroxychloroquine as protection against the novel coronavirus
Ignoring his own FDA
Something moved Donald to say
He’s taking a pill
That could possibly kill
So there may be good news on the way
John Moynes
Getty
Update:
This afternoon.
A letter just released but dated yesterday from Dr Sean Conley, physician to US President Donald Trump, defending the use of hydroxychloroquine.
K-League club FC Seoul has apologised after using sex dolls to fill up its empty stands
A stadium that’s empty can feel
A bit flat, in fact rather unreal
And so FC Seoul
Thought that they’d fill the whole
Place with sex dolls, does that seem ideal?
John Moynes
Getty
“An Irish Sea border is now a certainty,” said Ulster Unionist Party leader Steve Aiken (left) yesterday
Things look bad for the poor DUP
As there’ll now be a border at sea
But really they’re grand
As the one on the land
Looks set to continue to be
John Moynes
Telegraph
The grenade was found in the Grand Canal close to Harold’s Cross Bridge, Dublin 6
There were Troubles a century ago
And Dubliners might want to know
There’s still bombs to be found
In odd places around
The city, and up they could blow
John Moynes
Controversy-rocked singer Bryan Adams at Slane Castle in 2000
Bryan Adams has said he thinks that
The Chinese adore eating bat
There’s no need to hear more
From this washed up old bore
Just dismiss the sad old racist twat
John Moynes
