Last week, with a Twenty Five Euro Golden Discs voucher on offer, we asked you to recall the funniest lyrics you’ve ever heard in a decent song.

You answered in your dozens.

But there could be only one winner.

In reverse order then…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwnq3knbYII

Half Man Half Biscuit – 4AD3DCD

Spudnick writes:

Half Man Half Biscuit. For the song titles alone:
Back in the DHSS
Dickie Davies Eyes
I Love You Because (You Look Like Jim Reeves)
Voyage to the Bottom of the Road
We Built This Village on a Trad. Arr. Tune
Four Lads who Shook the Wirral
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit.
And, from 4AD3DCD (above): ‘Never mind ‘I’ve played postal chess / With a man who doesn’t know me / I’ve got a better frown than Tony Iommi’

Citizen Smith – Naughty Urban Guerilla

Slightly Bemused writes::

OK, showing my age here, but i think the funniest lyrics are from a song by Wolfie Smith and the Tooting Popular Front:

Well the rich kids’ fun was over and they knew who to blame
It was the presence of some peasants who just wouldn’t play the game
The party wasn’t over yet but I’ve got this kind of hunch
That some naughty urban guerrilla put some laxative in the punch…

Bell X1 – Rocky Took A Lover

SB writes:

The funniest lyrics contained in a decent song are
But you weren’t so nice last night
You’re such an asshole when you’re drunk’
And he said, ‘At least I’m okay in the mornings’
…and…
‘if there was a God, then why is my arse the perfect height for kicking?’

Pulp – Common People

Stan writes:

The funniest lyrics contained in a decent song are in Common People by Pulp:
‘She Said…….”I want to sleep with common people, like you”/ Well what else could I do?/ I said ‘I’ll see what I can do”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc6qFpbAgwM

The Divine Comedy – National Express

Steve writes:

The funniest lyrics contained in a decent song are by Divine Comedy:
‘On the National Express there’s a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea
She’ll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in ’63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But it’s hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country
And everybody sings ‘ba ba ba da”

Winner

George Carlin – Modern Man

Joe writes:

Try and beat thi… by a 70+ year old before being woke, #metoo, Kardashians, snowflake….It may not be music per se but it is rap and better than Eminiem… spoken word poetry can be musical sometimes but this is bad ass jazz comedy…For everything else there’s Curtis Mayfield

Thanks all.

Last week: Funny How?

Golden Discs

Every week, we give away a voucher for Golden Discs worth TWENTY FIVE Euro to spend at any of the many Golden Discs stores nationwide.

All we ask from you is a song we can play next week.

This week’s theme: Funny lyrics

What song retains musical excellence while also comprising lyrics – wry, dry or laugh out loud funny – that lift your spirits in the darkest of times.

To enter, complete this sentence

“The funniest lyrics contained in a decent song  are_____________________from_____________’

Lines MUST close at 6.45pm. MIDNIGHT

Golden Discs

Thanks Bertie Blenkinsop

Last week, with a Twenty Five Euro voucher for Golden Discs on offer, we asked you to name the greatest every break-up song.

You responded in your sobbing dozens.

But there could be only one winner.

In reverse order then…

Ivan writes:

At the close of a relationship,, to make sense of it all, I usually reach for Yes by McAlmont & Butler owing to its defiance, its not-giving-a-fupp and a production that Phil Spector himself would’ve probably considered a smidgin OTT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aEZWR2qsGc

small ads writes:

At the close of a relationship,, to make sense of it all, I usually reach for Serge Gainsbourg singing Je suis venu te dire que je m’en vais owing to its brutal realism (sob).”

Hank writes:

The Cure, A Letter to Elise. I cried for hours one night drinking whisky and listening to that on repeat. Good times…

Verbatim: writes:

At the close of a relationship, to make sense of it all, I usually reach for Motown music owing to beautiful yet simple lyrics…

As I walk this land of broken dreams,
I have visions of many things.
But happiness is just an illusion,
Filled with sadness and confusion.
What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that’s now departed?
I know I’ve got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Maybe.

Scottser writes:

At the close of a relationship, to make sense of it all, I usually reach for the Saturday Boy by Billy Bragg for the lines:

In the end it took me a dictionary
To find out the meaning of ‘unrequited’
While she was giving herself for free
At a party to which i was never invited

Winner!

Slightly Bemused writes:

“At the close of a relationship,, to make sense of it all, I usually reach for ‘You To Me Are Everything’ by the Real Thing owing to its proof that to her, I was only a clown. What I am trying to get across is not not me being pathetic, but actually that I do not regret the relationships. I have a beautiful daughter because of one of those, and I can never regret that.
When my marriage broke up, one of my best friends put together a mix tape (OK, on CD, but the same principle) with songs that ran the gamut from pain of heartache (The Thrill Has Gone – BB King) through a few others (like American Woman -my ex was from the States) to eventual hope for recovery (interestingly, the theme from Greatest American Hero).
It helped me also look at what I did to cause the breakup, and learn. And so, hopeful of a better next relationship, helped by my learning about myself and what I bring there,
So this begs the question: what song at the start of the relationship?

Anyone?

Thanks all

Golden Discs

Previously: How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

Every week, we give away a voucher worth Twenty Five Euro to spend at any of the many Golden Disc stores nationwide.

All we ask from you is a tune we can play at an unspecified time next week.

This week’s theme: Break-up songs.

in the aftermath of a protracted split, what song soothes your soul, balms your heart and puts you back on your feet in ‘no time’.

To enter, complete this sentence:

‘At the close of a relationship,, to make sense of it all,  I usually reach for______________________________owing to its____________________________’

Lines MUST close at 9.45pm

Golden Discs

Last Friday, with a Golden Discs voucher on offer, we asked you to name one album – stone cold classic or underrated masterpiece – that must be listened to in one sitting without interruption, preferably with earphones and the phone off.

You answered in your dozens.

But there could be only one voucher winner.

In reverse order so…

Dylad: “The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is Miles Davis In a Silent Way because it teases and withholds beautifully and the pay-off at 31 minutes is orgasmic. Thanks, Tony Williams.”

Alison: “The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is A Grand Don’t Come for Free by The Streets because it is a story and you really want to know what happens in the end. It manages to get mad ones, heartbreak, positivity, negativity and humour across in such a realistic way and is a lovely slice of the era when it was released!”

Leopold Gloom: “The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco. It is simply one of the great American albums of the 21st centure, and of the last 25 or so years. Bookended by the sublime and epic 7 minute songs “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart” and “Reservations” it zips through styles, folk, rolk, jazz, blues, lo-fi noise, punk and more throughout its 50 minutes. Much of it is blink and you’ll miss it. It is graced by much of Jeff Tweedy’s best lyrics too, at a time when he and some of the band were at their lowest personal moments and it got endlessly delayed in record company purgatory destined to not be released.It is an essential album, in the way Cormac McCarthy’s border trilogy are essential reading. Dark, moody, captivating; full of joy.”

Sean: “The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is Blood And Chocolate by Elvis Costello because it reminds me of some wild raucous lost nights of a mispent youth. The song I Want You reminds me of my mate [ Broadsheet commenter] Bernie as she’s a dead ringer for the dark haired girl in the video. Bernie gave me the heads up re Broadsheet, she’s a big fan but is on a temporary ban or something ATM. Anyhoo “Bernie” stop acting the goat and enjoy the song.”

Boj “The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is The Propellerheads: Decksandrumsandrockandroll because it’s an amazing mashup of hip-hop, big-beat and jazz! It has to be one of my favourite driving albums also for cruising around the village in the evening, slow groove beats pumping up Main St. with the windows/trousers down.”

Joe: “George Carlin – It’s Bad For Ya! Is funny, intelligent and musical.. like a jazz riff or a good rap with plenty of rythm and poetry…It’s also the last live performance of one of the greatest comedians and social critics ever to walk the planet. A wise old man telling it like it is and sharing his point of view for one last time…A rare dose of truth and a treat for anyone, at anytime in any sort of place, enjoy!”

Ivani: “Portishead’s Dummy is emotionally devastating…soul destroying…mind melting…the vulnerability of Beth Gibbons‘ vocals…those weird noises in the mix that automatically make you think of 50’s sci-fi B-movies…that drum beat on Numb…and this loneliness…it just won’t leave me alone…a lady of war…ends.”

Bertie “The La’s self titled, one and only album. All killer no filler. And it’s only 35 minutes long so you won’t get piles.”

Winner!

Paulus: : “It’s difficult to overstate Planxty by Planxty  (the original eponymous black album from about 1973) and its influence and importance. It set Irish traditional music on a new and expanded footing. Its four founding members; Donal Lunny, Andy Irvine, Christy Moore and the recently deceased Liam O’Flynn each remain(ed) at the top of their game, and with varying styles, throughout their musical careers. Listened through in one sitting now, it’s like a history lesson in the evolution of contemporary Irish trad.”

Thanks all.

Last week: Playing The Album In Full

Golden Discs

Every week, we give away a voucher worth TWENTY FIVE EUROS to spend freely at any of the many Golden Disc branches nationwide.

All we ask is for a tune we can play next week

This week’s theme: One album; one sitting.

What absorbing contemporary Long Player remains insistently on your turntable from the moment you place the needle down to the end of all the grooves?

A stone cold classic or underrated masterpiece that needs to be heard from start to finish.

To enter, complete this sentence.

‘The one album that needs to be listened to in its entirety without interruption is________________________because____________________________’

Lines MUST close at 5.45pm EXTENDED until Midnight MIDNIGHT SUNDAY

Golden Discs

Last week, with a twenty five euro Golden Disc voucher on offer we asked you to name your most euphoric festival moment.

One ‘reveller’ stood above the mosh pit.

Boj wrote:

“My most euphoric festival moment was watching Daft Punk performing Alive at Oxygen 2007 because it was a complete eye-opener which genuinely changed me. Up until then I was completely quite conservative and against the whole festival thang.

That weekend however, I ‘flipped the lid’ and ‘went large’ BIG TIME! I got completely (over) engrossed by the whole experience, everything that could happen to someone at a festival, happened to me that weekend. It basically taught me…not to care!!!

Stuff robbed, tent burned, car tires burst/windows smashed, lost friends, found friends, lost everyone. No wallet, no memory, no cop-on. I crowd dived, I did drugs, I had sex and I danced. It was simply fantastic.”

In fairness.

Runners up:

Homelands, 1999

$hifty writes:

“My most euphoric festival moment was watching Underworld performing at the first Homelands gig in Mosney 1999, because it was the first ever proper dance music festival in the country, and Irish people just weren’t at all prepared for it.

There were lads wearing shoes and shirts, birds in dresses and miniskirts and basically three quarters of the crowd were dolled up like they were going to an 8 hour long nightclub.

At one stage, late in the evening, I overheard some youngwan lamenting the fact she was going to have to dump her 6-inch high heels cos they were getting stuck in the muck, were too manky to clean properly and were pretty much useless.

The train journey home was surreal, it looked like the waiting room in Beetlejuice.”

Forbidden Fruit, 2011

seanydelight writes:

“My most euphoric festival moment was watching Flaming Lips performing at Forbidden Fruit (the first time – 2011) because we’d shimmied our way to the front and as I turned around to see the crowd behind, the huge multi coloured balloons that Wayne Coyne was throwing from the stag were starting to pop – they were filled with glitter confetti, and the sun was setting in the west behind them (the way the stage faced at that time).

I never listened to the Flaming Lip before that moment. Magic. When I turned back the stage was full of dancing Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz characters. Think they opened with Race for the Prize, but can’t remember that bit. Also he done this….Total showman! Blew me away!”

Witnness, 2003

DaithiG writes:

“My most euphoric festival moment was Richie Hawtin performing at Witnness in 2013 because I’d just been arrested for smoking hash but they never found the two yokes buried with the lint deep in my pocket. Mug shot taken, Lecture given,Double drop and straight to the dance tent NOT GIVING A F**K!!”

Feile, 1992

Niallo writes:

“Has to be Primal Scream at Feile who came back on in Semple Stadium after the last act finished when most people had left and did what seemed like a 2 hour set with Andy Weatherall.

Really caught a lot of people on the hop as this whole “DJ” thing was still relatively new, was the most chilled out yet engaged and uplifting gig i have ever witnessed, and I’ve seen Ray Charles playing to a crowd in Wexford who had no idea who he was and were instantly converted, but that’s another story entirely.

I mention Primal Scream’s unscheduled gig in Thurles as it only just eclipsed the first time i seen them in the National Stadium, that was a strange experience, the crowd was a mix of ravers, punks, bikers, students, old hippies, mods and all points in between. It was strange  watching them all in their own little groups melt into each other as Screamadelica melted the barriers between them. Come together indeed :o”

Thanks all.

Golden Discs

Last weeK: We Coudn’t Get Much Higher

Saucer-eyed ‘revellers’ at Electric Picnic 2017

Every week, we give away a voucher worth TWENTY FIVE Euros to spend at any of the many Golden Discs Stores nationwide.

This week’s theme: Festival high.

What live performance at a Summer festival – in Ireland or ‘abroad’ – remains burned in your memory FOREVER.

One glorious moment in a field off your bin or just high on life.

To enter,  please complete this sentence;

‘My most euphoric festival moment was watching________________performing______________because_________________’

Lines Must Close at 5.15pm extended until MIDNIGHT!

Golden Discs

Last week, to help us celebrate our eighth birthday and with a Twenty five euro voucher for Golden Discs on offer, we asked you to select the best thing you’ve heard since July 2010.

You answered in your tens.

But there could be only one winner.

In reverse order…

Kavinksy – Nightcall

Penfold writes:

“The best release of the last eight years was unquestionably Kavinsky’s Nightcall owning to its robotic synthpoppy 80’s computer game influenced sound. It fitted in perfectly with Ryan Goslings totally reasonable actions in Drive (2011)…”

RíRà- The Future Comes Back To Haunt You

Johnny Keenan (him  off the telly! writes:

Once you hear and read the song lyric you will come to the clear conclusion that some movements artists and people are just ahead of their time and the curve. RíRà (Offaly native) released this analysis of the world in July 2010. Around the same time Broadsheet.ie launched a news website for the curious and concerned creative community.

Kayne West feat. John Legend – Blame Game (off My Dark, Twisted Fantasy)

zeltron 6 billion writes:

“The best release of the last eight years was inquestionably the seminal My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by one Kanye West, owing to its fascinating dive into the mind of one of pop culture’s most divisive figures, it’s grandiose compositions (in many ways the epoch of mid 00s-early 10s hip hop) production and the lavish maximalist stylings throughout. It may have released mere months after Broadsheet’s own birthday but it’s set a high watermark for the following 8 years :)”

Sarah Watkins, Sarah Jarosz and Aoife O’Donovan – Crossing Muddy

Bertie writes

“The best release of the last eight years was unquestionably “Crossing Muddy Waters” owing to it’s gorgeous harmonies and exquisite musicianship.”

Winner!

Tame Impala – Yes, I’m Changing (off Currents)

Royal M writes:

‘The best release of the last eight years was unquestionably Tame Impala’s Currents owing to it’s originality, songwriting, and production values…and for restoring this old fogey’s faith in pop music’

Thanks all.

Happy birthday.

Golden Discs

Last week: Eight Golden Years

Every week we give away voucher to spend at any of the many Golden Discs branches nationwide.

All we ask is for a tune we can play next week.

This week’s theme: 2010–2018

To help celebrate our eighth birthday on Monday, can you tell us the best thing you have heard since our inception in July 2010?

To enter, please complete this sentence.

‘The best release of the last eight years was unquestionably_____________owing to its__________________________’

Lines MUST close at 3.45pm EXTENDED until MIDNIGHT!

Golden Discs