Some boffins have sought to explain
How dolphins and whales can maintain
A tight knit family
Deep under the sea
The answer’s a very large brain

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Met Éireann forecast position of Storm Ophelia at midday today.

Please stock up on foods that are tinned
And hope that Met Éireann rescind
The weather alert
Before people are hurt
It’s time that we all break this wind.

John Moynes

Map: Met Éireann

US President Donald Trump

So Trump will announce a new plan
To try to look hard on Iran
But he won’t quite repeal
Obama’s old deal
As he isn’t enough of a man.

John Moynes

Pic: AFP/Getty

The White House is all in a flap
Because of a new online rap
So is this the time
For topical rhyme
Or will that forever be crap?

John Moynes

Minister for Finance and Public Expenditure & Reform Paschal Donohoe TD at a Budget 2018 press briefing yesterday in Government Buildings

If you smoke, or enjoy a fake tan
Or sugary drinks from a can
You won’t like what Paschal
The terrible rascal
Has done with his new fiscal plan.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Toad Of Toad Hall US President Donald Trump

To say that you coined the word “fake”
Is one hell of a big claim to make
This shabby regime
Is one long bad dream
Oh when will we finally awake?

John Moynes

Pic: PA

The environment’s facing defeat
Because of the food that you eat
The boffins agree
It’s high time that we
All begin to cut back on our meat.

John Moynes

Pic: Shutterstock

Look closely before you sit down
It seems there’s a new guest in town
The False Widow Spider
A well known provider
Of venom that will make you frown.

John Moynes

Pic: Falsewidow.com

Big Pesto is clearly at fault
For pumping its products with salt
The green stomach filler
Is becoming a killer
Will somebody please call a halt?

John Moynes

Pic: Scala

Passengers leave a train bound for London this morning

In Britain a chap on a train
Stood up and began to explain
That sodomite ways
Can cause transport delays
And give travelers no end of pain.

John Moynes

Pic: Get Surrey