Lads Or Goys?

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ladsIrelandVWales9Oct82011PA_large

GAA fans (top) and irish Rugby supporters

A question as old as time itself.

Lads?

Or Goys?

Frilly Keane writes:

My favourite day of the year is the day the clocks go forward. No matter how shit the weather is that day, or even if I’m in a hape, or both, no matter what, by 5 in the afternoon I’m like 5 kilos lighter and 15 years younger. I love the surprise coming home from work, or going to training (well, those were the days) and its actually real daylight.

While I’m not a great one for paying attention to the garden, I love the madness that comes into it from that same Sunday. The birdies, the flowers budding even if I don’t know what they are or how they got there, the hedges going from haywire to mangle, the blossom petals gently hiding the dog’s jobs.

It doesn’t matter how ould and senile I get or hungover I could be of a morning, I will always appreciate the season that gate crashes in and signals the end of the Rugby season.

I know we have our National league and club finals, but since I’ve never been involved in a club that got beyond the county boundary with any serious chance, and now only travel to League matches if someone else is driving, which is rare enough these days since most of the lads I’ve knocked around with over the last 25+ years here in Blah Cliath are by now married and under orders or gone back home, so I’ve pretty much given in and handed Winter over to the other crowd.

That’s their season.

It’s now our turn.

We come into our own at this time of year. Cheltenham is timed nice for the end of Lambing season, so it keeps us away from the Ireland’s Callers, the League Finals helps us sort out who’s who what’s what and who the danger men are over the coming months, Punchestown and Championship openers, and then it’s all about the hay and the Sundays. (On that note I’ve decided that if we don’t make it to August again this year, I taking up the golf again. There I said it )

So I thought I might just use Frill-Bit this week to reorganise ourselves into the Lads or Goys.

And rather than present the predictable bullet point list i.e. lads have hang and brown sauce in their sangwichs: Goys have parma and pesto in paneenies; I’ve indulged a scenic route generalisation of the cultural differences between us and them.

We’re a Club first and always breed and that will never change. For Goys its school ties, where the vibe is, or who pays more. A Lad’s colours never change whereas the Goy will change theirs according to trends.

We recognise anyone at Rubgy whose roots are firmly outside the Schools scene is a bandwagon passenger or on a free work piss-up.

When it comes to the opposite sex, Lads have a different method for measuring the potential of a harmless knee trembler (Goys might refer to this activity as Bushing which originates from the Wes circuit). “Not the worse looking” versus the now accredited by KPMG no less, K-Scoring with results collated from the testing groups’ Clunge Scales and Roidable ratings.

Yes Clunge is an established asset classification within the Goy sectors. Sur’ layve ‘em at it, whatever gets the job done applies to all walks.

On the other hand, on more long-term arrangements, there was a spell in the 90’s and early naughties were Lads would be required to assess any accompanying Milk Quotas and possible Road Frontage that might come with a potential other half.

However some have reverted back to the standard of their fathers and grandfathers, does the prospect have the gatch to bucket feed calves, and put a daycent feed together at any hour.

These days since the removal of College fees Lads are required to consider other qualifications, such as Dentistry, Teaching, Solicitor, Nursing, and aptly record the income as “fierce handy to have coming in.“

Goys decide on pedigree and parentage, the school connections, how all over the grooming regime covers and would they share their moisturiser. The current vehicle would also be considered in the evaluation, and does she come with a pony and paddock.

Interestingly tho’ Lads and Goys both share the same settling down plan. Both tribes rarely venture beyond their own kind.Both will intend to have their boys and girls reared within the same club/school culture, and most definitely within the same parish.

The big day is a huge event for both sides, but comprise of very different elements.

Lads will not change from the tradition of the Turkey n’ Hang, and the free bar (if possible) insteada wine, fizzy wine, fizzy peach stuff. Goys will go exotic with Monkfish and Cornfed sum’ting or other, and a fully vetted, tested and assessed for knob value wine selection.

A lad’s honeymoon depends on the Club’s progress, but they would definitely manage Listowel, if allowed. Goys will head to where everyone is talking about, for no less than 3 weeks.

By the next Bank Holiday after this, the Munster Championship will have opened up at the end of a week that Lads will have submitted their annual head on the block, searched for the lucky underpants, checked the geansai still fits and stains of last summer aren’t too nasty.

While for Goys, exam Season is offered as the official line on why they’re “keeping it chilled”, but the truth is the credit card needs to be cleared.

They will have talk of heading to Brittas to help open up the holiday homes, check the ribs and outboards, replace the decks and clean the barbeques “Man.” Or, they’ll be letting on their cricket whites need whitening and the bat needs oiling “huh huh!”)

It’s all bollox lemme tell ye. Because in truth Goys are followers, most have no effin interest in spectator sport unless there is a club house that requires jackets involved. “

The Lads will turn up for every sporting event they can get ta or get in ta, from Cards to Darts, Point t’ Points, Dogs, Bowling (the road kind not the Mickie Marbh kind), Golf, Sawker and even the Rugby if it’s a freebie.

I worked with a lad one time that ended up at Silverstone for the British Grand Prix having gone to Celtic the day before, it went like this. (Pure Dundalk head btw)

“Sur you don’t even drive”

“But I like Fosturs”

Even with the €uros interrupting this season’s run-ups, Lads will land back in Rosslare or Ork mouldy as fuck, and still make their way to the train stations to catch the Specials. And in their rightly colours.

Over the next 4 months Lads will be decorating the gaffs, the cars, the road furniture, contentious boundary lines, walls, sheds and landmarks, with the same two colours and all with same feckless fearless abandon of a dog cocking his leg.

While Goys will be sniggering into their Pimms and Gins at the gaudiness of it all.

I love it when the Lads arrive in Dublin, I love the colours, the banners, the dodgy paint jobs on the cars, the sing songs.Flat caps, Crepe Hats, Sombreros. I even don’t mind with my Flag gets knocked off. It always gets back to me.

Wouldn’t change a bitta’ve it for a rollover win. And remember Goys. We only need one Anthem when our teams line out.

!Corcaigh Abu

Frilly keane’s column appears here every Friday. Follow Frilly on Twitter: @frillykeane

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97 thoughts on “Lads Or Goys?”

    4. Gav D

      A very poor and transparent attempt at “controversy”. Heres an artists rendition of Frilly’s argument: https://www.buzzsprout.com/episode_artwork/197073/artworks_cover.jpg

      Tired, old, ill-informed claptrap, which doesn’t’ reflect the reality of players of either sport (both of which I’ve played at a club level). The club system and allegiances in Rugby is just as strong if not stronger in many cases than the GAA, in my experience.

      Frilly has a serious chip on her shoulder about anything she perceives as being Dublin or “D4” related. Which makes me ask a serious question – if Cork is so great and Dublin is so terrible and causes her you such (misplaced) resentment, why not feck off back to Cork?

  3. bertie blenkinsop

    It begs the question-
    Considering this column appeared, what must the one the other week that they didn’t publish have been like?

    1. Mikeyfex

      No she’s from Cork but since you thought she was from Kerry she’s probably from Kerry.

  7. Rugbyfan

    And remember Goys. We only need one Anthem when our teams line out.

    Took a friend to his first Irish Rugby International a few years back. Big GAA fan….said it was the first time he
    ever heard the end of our National anthem being sung and not drowned out with cheering!

    Anyway Goys will be Goys and Lads will wear oversized O’Neill’s jerseys!

    1. Iwerzon

      In 2011 I went to my first Rugby international early so I could take in the minor match. I was very confused by it all. You can drink drink in your seat at the rugby but only in the terrace bar area at the Gaa. No drink at all with the sawker. It’s a class thing I think.

      1. MoyestWithExcitement

        Ah yeah. Sure you can’t trust those tracksuit wearing louts who like soccer. And those boggers are cray cray.

  8. Vote Rep #1

    Essentially, GAA lads are inbred hicks down from the side of a mountain, Rugby lads are posh? This makes Loving Dublin seem cerebral.

  9. john

    GAA Football is boring crap that is dying out. If Dublin arent playing they can barely sell Croke park out for the final never mind the earlier rounds.

    1. jon

      erm, it’s the most popular participation sport in the entire country.

      if that’s a dying sport, i’d love to see a thriving one.

    2. Rugbyfan

      Would agree that is can be boring at times (saying that so is a Leinster v Scarletts match down RDS way of a damp Friday in November) however the fact that they cannot sell out HQ for some of the big games is a worry.
      The structure of the championship needs to be reviewed and Dublin needs to be separated into two counties and potentially merge some of the smaller counties, against tradition I know but something that seriously needs to be considered.

          1. Bertie Blenkinsop

            It’s not a bad shout however for most it’s more about representing your parish / county than winning the All Ireland I’d venture.

        2. Rugbyfan

          I appreciate that but just throwing out an idea at intercounty level.
          I do understand GAA, we have a few all Ireland and national league medals in our family so sit down!

          1. Tish Mahorey

            If you’re suggesting splitting and merging counties then you don’t understand GAA.

            Most of the country has GAA medals in their families. Rugger fans tend to be ashamed of them though. Reminds them where they came from.

          2. Vote Rep #1

            I like how your initial comment to this was about it aiming more contrived divisiveness before decided to jump strength head first. Impressive. Unless you forgot to sign in as your other login ‘dav’?

        1. Frilly Keane

          How about the Dubs play in their own home grounds
          In other words get a County ground that reflects their status as a top tier county

          HQ was meant for Semis and AIs, and Club Finals
          And a few gigs
          It was never planned and funded as the Dubs home grounds

      4. jon

        croke park is bloody huge though. getting 65,000 for a match is still a big crowd in any man’s language.

        let’s remember the entire population of the country is 4.5 million.

    1. Frilly Keane

      Naw
      You’re just fooled too ‘asy Tone

      That’s just a regurge of stuff a connected party has’bin flogging for over a decade

  13. B Hewson

    Paul Howard has had this laugh at the rugger buggers market sown up for the last 20 years buddy. If you can manage to get a funny Gaa satirical characterisation book, then fair focks like.

    1. Frilly Keane

      Ah would ya go look at yerselves a bit more carefully

      We’ve been doing this gag long before Howard’s editor gifted him Ross OCK on the back of it

      And the same goes for him who cannot be named for legal reasons
      That Hairy rhymes with punt went legal every time he was called out for copying and pasting stuff from our boards
      That 100 things I love about the GAA
      Where da’fúqh do you he got them from

      And not even a thank you

      Get over yerselves

      Yere followers

      1. jon

        “We’ve been doing this gag long before Howard’s editor gifted him Ross OCK on the back of it”

        that’s not how ross o’carroll-kelly started.

          1. Otis

            What’s “our boards”, Frilly? You occasionally make an oblique reference to some other website or forum. I’m guessing you’re the owner or moderator or contributor. What is it, though?

  15. Zaccone

    Terrible.

    The only positive thing about this column is not one comment has sunk to the contrived ‘debate’.

  16. Serf

    Frilly’s in good company. Its a very similar column to a particularly nasty piece that Tom Humphries penned a year or two before he…..

    1. Bertie Blenkinsop

      If we learned one thing, it’s that it’s not enough to simply remove the SIM card.

  17. Nikkebeontje

    The rugby season is still going strong….this weekend is massive for Irish teams in the PRO 12. Munster needs a win to be in with a chance of competing in the Champions Cup next season. Wins for Leinster and Connacht practically guarantees they will have home games in the semi-finals. Ulster is still looking good to qualify for the semi-finals but a win would almost cement that.

    2. Nikkebeontje

      Just wanted to show that Frilly only thinks about the 6 Nations rugby and not the interprovincial teams which will be competing until the end of May, which is a long time after the changing of the clocks! The interprovincial supporters are just as dedicated as any GAA fan.

        1. Nikkebeontje

          Ah okay, I’m obviously a bit sensitive! I’m a diehard Munster supporter and my nerves are in bits about the match this evening.

  18. KirkenBrenner

    “But I like Fosturs”

    I don’t get this. Isn’t “Fosters” already pretty much a phonetical spelling?

    But yeah, this piece is awful shyte altogether.

  19. dav

    Fair Play Frilly. Another difference between the pair are the goys will get their flood defenses while Bandon town centre can go fook off

    1. Vote Rep #1

      People in Bandon objected to the flood defences. I guess it shows that the goys can see the bigger picture.

    2. Lush

      Feck that, I’m from Bandon; we’ve got a thriving rugby club: just shite public representatives.

  20. ismiselemeas

    sir if you actually think these thoughts – sap

    sir if this is an invented position you are adopting for pay – lame

  23. Goodnight Ireland

    What’s with the bolding? I understand with long commentary, but a bit unnecessary with a satirical piece. If you could call it that.

      1. Kieran NYC

        A friend of mine is moving away soon, so festivities may be had. Weather isn’t great for it though.

        1. sǝɯǝɯʇɐpɐq

          @KFC
          ‘A friend of mine is moving away soon, so festivities may be had.

          Forgive me for laughing but I was wondering, did you get your invitation yet?
          -Any idea where they’re holding the party?

          1. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

            I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT IT IS NOT MY DOG BUT I AM EXCITED AS THERE MAY BE OTHER DOGS AND LOTS OF DOGS ARE GOOD

          3. Kieran NYC

            Oh my.

            Now I want it to be Monday so Don can tell us all about it!! Take pictures and do a report for Broadsheet!

            (avoids making dog’s dinner joke about Mercille on Monday)

          7. Kieran NYC

            Stop the internet, we’re done for the day. No topping that!

            Let’s wrap up and go home. Someone leave the radio on for Memes later.

          8. Lush

            Spot on Kieran.
            I look forward to my B.A.M fix of a morning. He will no doubt have an interesting take on all this

          13. Dόn 'The Unstoppable Force' Pídgéόní

            My column would be a 1-10 list of my fav dog/mini goat videos. And then I’d probably only get to about 6 before I got distracted and started trying to buy a goat farm.

            But yes, BS more dog videos! See how nice we are playing because of the DOGS

  26. Illuminati16

    Cauliflower ears or cauliflower for dinner ? That’s basically it summed up I guess. … genius

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