Anonymous gay dating app Fab Guys

Fluffybiscuits writes:

My previous piece on the encounter with a married man raised a lot of eyebrows and heckles of the commentariat here. I also mentioned: ” This sort of behaviour is prevalent “.

To prove my actions represent the minor moral infractions that a person could be accused off, I picked one website weaved into the fabric of the gay community you never get the salubrious side of: Fab Guys.

Fab Guys presents itself as  ‘fun, free and fabulous for gay guys’. Free and fabulous it is, fun…that’s a whole other ball game, Fab Guys is a site with a demographic hugely popular with both cross-dressers and married men, yet presents the more salacious side of the gay scene, one that encompasses all that is nasty about it.

The site had up until recently a major issue with men swapping their wives’ used underwear (you read that correctly). Furthermore there exists a problem with men swapping photos of their wives and in some cases daughters. Thankfully the site is clamping down on it now but it cant remain ever vigilant on the matter as it is moderated by people who give up their time voluntarily.

Routinely however, the site has tended to get more married men out there seeking their end. The site holds a particular pride of place for those on the look-out for cross dressers, nowt wrong with that in itself, however a cross swathe (maybe more) of those seeking to engage with cross dressers are themselves married.

Madison (a shortened version of her name) posts with the following in the forum

” I love to dress up and be the slutty girl madison I am I love to be used and abused by young or old guys and other crossdresser”

Responses to these are by and large from the married men who inhabit the site. The site seems to have an unsteady rivalry with Mumsnet. A cursory search though that site reveals a hell of a lot of complaints about the Fab Guys. The story repeats itself all too often with the same husband who has become secretive about his activity:

” There arent any suspicious text messages but his internet history has really made me feel shocked sick to my stomach. He has been visiting what are two gay websites. One called fabguys ” Mumsnet

” Just that really – I feel sick… I’ve just gone on the computer and his email was open, he has received a message from a site called fabguys. I’m at home today and picking our daughter up soon, he will be home at 5.30. I don’t know what to do.” – Mumsnet

” I had a quick peek at OH phone the other day and found fabguys on there.

“I asked him about it and he completely denied it. Saying I’m paranoid.” – Mumsnet

There is not much left to process, you would think, the level of inanity could not sink any lower don’t hold your breath on that. Meet the Barebackers. They are the men (a lot of whom are not on PreP – the drug that reduces the risk of transmission of HIV) , who will happily engage in the practice of unprotected sex and most of it unbeknownst to the wives. Tackling the men on this issue brings with it a cacaphony of condemnation, I am seen as prudish. I did try to message a few married guys to get their sides of the story but was quickly blocked.

Some readers wondered last week if perhaps my moral compass had gone awry. Be rest assured, there are those out there when compared to me have zero moral compass.

Previously: Fluffybiscuits on Broadsheet

Last week: Wey Bi Man

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91 thoughts on “Knickers In A Twist

  1. Janet, dreams of an alternate universe

    I’m not sure the argument that there’s worse makes our own behavior somehow any better.
    The most disturbing part of your piece is that people put their partners health at risk without their consent for said health to become vulnerable.

    Reply
    1. fluffybiscuits

      I always play safe

      My own take is that I’m a single man, I’m not cheating on anyone, I’ve a clear conscience

      I avoided this for years but lately in the last year I’ve no scruples

      Reply
    1. fluffybiscuits

      Far be it for me to kink shame, I mentioned an example of the kinks and how this is what people are into. There is no criticism there of them, if anything I’d support people in their kinks and fetishes once it’s safe and legal

      Reply
  2. SOQ

    Married men have always been part of the gay scene and in some cases, always will. It doesn’t really bother me personally, although I decline such offers as I don’t like the idea of being the bit on the side.

    I do understand how some can get trapped in a straight lifestyle however- one lie leads to another and very soon there is kids and a mortgage to feed. Breaking out of such can hurt a lot of people and sometimes it is better not.

    As for risky behaviour I very much doubt if it is any more or less than other groups. There are hook up sites dedicated to barebacking after all, and most of them are out gay men.

    Reply
  3. Tom

    Fluffybiscuits, your behavior – as depicted by you – is depraved and animalistic. I really hope some part of you can recognise this. There’s no happinness in it, for you or the married men you sleep with.

    In your last post here, or in comments made on foot of that post, there were lines which gave away how dehumanising all this is. Sex with the men in question was described (paraphrasing here) as “getting what I want”. The men, and by extension their families, were depicted in those types of statements at sub-personal things to use and discard. Often, those who see others this way are merely reflecting how they view themselves.

    A pre-emptive point: I’m not particularly shocked that this is a thing. Judging a behaviour depraved is different from being shocked by it. If every second gay man and (“straight”) married man was doing this it wouldn’t make it less depraved.

    Reply
    1. fluffybiscuits

      Depraved leads to a point that what is being engaged in is morally corrupt. I don’t see anything within my own moral compass as being corrupt as such

      Reply
      1. freewheeling

        Depravity starts with moral corruption, it’s not the end result of it.

        It’s take two to cheat on a marriage. You’re deluded if you think you’re not one of them, or that cheating on a marriage is not a morally corrupt thing.

        Reply
        1. fluffybiscuits

          Morality is a sliding scale of the less than wanted to the down right illegal. One can be viewed as depraved but the standard as to what constitutes it varies. Saudi Arabia have a vice police for just such actions but thank you to living in a democratic society such frivolous activities are not legalised. What you just got above is the little slice of darkness that runs under the scene. I’ve no doubt that I am well and truly flawed and indeed it would be remiss of me to deny as such.

          Take it like this…is it better that their man sees another man who gets regularly checked or sees someone from an industry that should be legalised and regulated but is riskier.

          On occasion I ask myself if and why I do these things is it for ago, the excitement of getting caught, boredom, a physical need or temerity I hold as important to me …

          I dont know…maybe a mixture of all of it.

          This is my raw honesty that a lot will not display

          Reply
          1. Tom

            What you are doing is morally corrupt. It’s a mark of moral corruption not to see this. I get the sense from your reply that you probably do recognize it, at some level: appealing to moral relativism is never even remotely convincing.

          2. Bitnboxy

            @Tom Physician heal thyself.

            Funny how your focus is on Fluffy, which you cast as a “depraved” temptress (a term I thought you’d enjoy given your religious-inspired vocabulary). It’s is candour and self-awareness that you likely abhor.

            As for “moral relativism” – stunning hypocrisy. Do you actually think these stories are new and have not gone on since the dawn of time?

          3. fluffybiscuits

            What would have done to me, flog me and incarcerate me in a laundry?

            And trust me there is a reason I raised the point of the site as I did above , it inflicts upon my own moral compass to see grown men putting wives at risk acting without an abundance of caution

          4. chris

            @ Bitntardy Temptress is feminine. Tempter is the masculine.

            Your point about hypocrisy in regards to moral relativism, is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever happened across. That there’s some temporal weight to it’s ocurance & a conflation with ‘hypocrisy’ if it happens outside of a certain time frame is absolutely mind-numbing.

          5. Bitnboxy

            @Chris Lol. You’re just piqued because I called you out earlier on what could only be described as profound ignorance re Poland and EU: a take so idiotic that even the Daily Express would say, nah on your bike clown.

            And now your derrière hurts so.

            Sorry not sorry.

          6. Bitnboxy

            @Chris My use of temptress (feminine) was deliberate you twit as a send up of Tom the untainted.

            Dolt.

            If you want to come for me because I have called out your cretinism earlier, feel free but at least keep the jibes interesting and zingy. I bore easily.

          7. Chris

            It was a jibe, it really was one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever read. Like (clap) one (clap) of (clap) the (clap) most (clap) idiotic (clap) ever (clap).

  4. johnny

    Great stuff Fluffy,I went few CA (crystal) meetings in Chelsea,to kick a bad habit,seems ‘grinder’ was the site at time,was best place score great speed in NY and a married man buy it:)
    ….. you have just a much fun with other mens and ‘friends’ wifes,there really is no bottom to what some will do for a line of blow or tina,married or otherwise in public bathrooms:)

    Reply
  5. just millie

    The spirit of Helen Lovejoy is alive and well here in broadsheet.ie comment section.

    Oh the depravity…

    Reply
    1. Micko

      I don’t think I’m a Helen Lovejoy…

      But, it all just seems so…well… exhausting

      I always remember seeing shows like Eurotrash years ago, with lads vacuuming themselves to the floor or dressing up in Batman outfits and leaping off wardrobes or whatever mad old bondage stuff they were into and thinking,

      “Christ! That seems like a lot of hassle just to get your rocks off”

      I’m probably very boring.

      Reply
      1. Johnny

        ….gas really how many big hard men put on makeup, get all dressed up in too tight age inappropriate outfits and a sock,faking playing and prancing about on stage for a few euros,rock n roll ain’t it…..
        Now that’s exhausting as is the entire irish music “scene” and industry,however, the gay scene sounds way more fun!

        Reply
        1. Micko

          Ah sure, tis why I gave up the rock ceoil in favour of a more acoustic sit down buzz when I play nowardays.

          Prancing about gets bit sad after a certain age alright.

          “Will nobody think of my kneeeees!!!”

          Reply
    2. Bertie blenkinsop

      I’m not prudish at all, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to discuss their personal life in public this way.

      Reply
      1. fluffybiscuits

        For me it’s an exercise in writing , open honesty and giving a man insight into a world many dont know about!

        Reply
        1. Rosette of Sirius

          Could make for a fun use of rhyming slang for sure…. Prep H for the old Jonny Giles…. I like it.

          Reply
  6. Bitnboxy

    Leaving aside the piss poor “depraved quaaarrreeess” pretend pearl-clutching nonsense above from I’ll bet those who have their own secrets to hide (true as night follows day) but I do wonder what causes these married men to enjoy such a very varied non-vanilla secret same-sex life from their hetero family-man persona?

    Are they men of a certain age who could never really get over the social stigma of being gay despite the recent progress? Were they younger, would they now be out with a healthy adult sex life like any other? Are they simply a subset who just enjoy the frisson and kick of that which is forbidden, their marriage adding an extra sense of it being verboten and they would do this anyway regardless of progressive social norms?

    Kind of fascinating really. As long as one isn’t the unsuspecting wife I guess.

    Reply
    1. Tom

      Question for you and the rest of the cool gang: if you can see and treat other people as a piece of sexualised meat, what’s wrong with eating without consent?

      Reply
  7. fluffybiscuits

    Consent is both an important moral and legal concept . Otherwise it would be rape or sexual assault. Why would you conflate what two adults consent to do? Is muddying the waters part of some agenda? Do you worship at the totem of Ronan Mullen with such moralising?

    Reply
    1. Tom

      Why is it an important moral concept Fluffy? Suppose rape was legal, would it be ok? Would you be more inclined to see it as ok?

      You – and many, many others, both straight and gay – view those you sleep with as sexualised meat. We don’t ask a bullock’s consent before we eat it. So why, if all we are dealing with is sexualised meat, should their consent matter a whole lot? I’m suggesting that if you believe sexual consent is important it can only be on the basis that the people you sleep with are more than just sexualised meat. In which case, stop treating them (and yourself) merely as sexualised meat.

      Reply
      1. fluffybiscuits

        Two people who are both up front about viewing each other as something in the Butchers window and agreeing to boundaries…I dont see the immorality of consenting adults tbh

        Reply
  8. Tom

    “What would have done to me, flog me and incarcerate me in a laundry?”

    No Fluffy. I’d try to advise you for the sake of your own happiness. The advice is good notwithstanding the flaws of the one who offers it.

    T.

    Reply
    1. Bitnboxy

      What advice would you give Fluffy out of curiosity? Genuine question. You have been candid so far – share the advice.

      Reply
          1. Bitnboxy

            @Jan @Ben Yes indeed, I doubt Tom hopes for the best for Fluffy as most of us do. He hopes for a chastity belt for him.

            I admire Fluffy’s candour. I think he is a very sensitive soul with an acute sense of self-awareness and willingness to self-examine. You don’t meet folk like that too often.

    2. fluffybiscuits

      There is an implication running under the commentary that I’m unhappy

      If I’m in anyway unhappy it’s not with relationships, mental health or sex thankfully

      Many seek spirituality, sex is a fascinating thing to e explore

      One of my main motivations to go back and try get into anthropology

      Plus I’ve a very open family….my upbringing didnt really bring me into the level of burdened guilt my peers felt

      Reply
      1. Bitnboxy

        You do you Fluffy. You’re one of the remaining reasons Broadsheet is still worth a read now and again. I can’t be doing with Bodger’s Covid cascade of crap.

        Reply
    1. fluffybiscuits

      I shall, for me I’m just looking at writing what I know about

      Should stick really with travel pieces!

      Reply
  9. fluffybiscuits

    Its taken in that spirit mate

    I’m treading new ground on these things..some work some dont

    Dont you be getting your knickers in a twist ;-)

    Reply
  10. fluffybiscuits

    I had been thinking of writing a few articles

    BDSM
    Role Play
    Open Relationships
    Polyamory
    Interviewing a Sex Worker

    Few ideas I had

    The reason Broadsheet ? To open up a diverse conversation

    I’ll put it out there to gauge opinion

    Reply
    1. Janet, dreams of an alternate universe

      I say go for it, I think the only reason you are getting negativity is because people put themselves in the position of the missus, well for my part anyway,
      I know a lot of kids now do the polyamour, much healthier all out in the open, IMO.

      Reply
          1. benblack

            I didn’t.

            I read the first one but got an uncomfortable erection and stopped reading.

            Reading sex usually does that.

            See how easy that was – everything under control.

            Closeted, repressed, I hear you cry?

            Sex is sex.

            Maturity and self-control is what it is.

    2. just millie

      I would definitely read it, Fluffy.

      Over the years I’ve become more open to what makes me tick as a lady, and learned to not feel shame for it either. Sexuality is a wonderful thing to have and to understand about yourself. I’m lucky to have a partner with whom I can communicate my desires and needs without feeling embarrassed or shamed.

      I really enjoyed this one too, Fluffy – even the comments, as they are all very interesting and are kind of a snapshot of Irish hearts and minds, as far as sex is concerned anyways.

      Reply
      1. benblack

        And if your sexual awakening and personal acceptance extended to paedophilia would you feel embarrassed or ashamed?

        Not in reference to Fluffy’s article, but, addressed to you personally.

        Reply
  11. bisted

    …I’ve been a long time on Broadsheet…two of the people who’ve been here before me have been bertie and fluffy…both have added stuff to my knowledge and never taken anything away…every day a school day with these guys…I’d dearly love to have a pint sometime…maybe I already have!

    Reply
    1. just millie

      I’m not gay so not sure I’m really the one to answer this but is it not more a case of Fluffy writing what he knows?

      Do you feel that it is after reading it?

      Reply
    2. Poor oul divil

      In what sense SOQ?
      If you mean why isn’t fluffy also writing about risky cheating straights, well that’s an argument but I guess he is just writing what he knows?

      Reply
    3. SOQ

      I am not having a go here Fluffy, I just think that in some sense discussing this in such a way comes full circle.

      If you ever probe a homophobe, they reduce people who’s sexuality may only be a small part of their personality, to a sex act.. And in a way, while the intentions are not the same, the end result of these conversations may be.

      Apart from the obvious, I personally don’t think that gay and straight men’s sexuality is that different. Whiter by nature or nurture, men are generally more promiscuous than women and the main thing stopping straight men from doing what gay men do, is the social norm of monogamy and/or lack of available partners.

      One thing not mentioned is that fabguys has a sister site called fabswingers where there is just as much activity, usually involving heterosexuals. And. there is just as many people playing behind their partners backs on it- of both genders. When it comes to irresponsible behaviour, there is just as much health risks there, as on the gay.

      20% of new HIV infections are among young heterosexual women I believe?

      Reply
      1. Micko

        “ they reduce people who’s sexuality may only be a small part of their personality,”

        This!

        Drives me mad when people do it to themselves too. They make one aspect of their life, the entire thing their whole identity revolves around.

        Sexuality should be a small part of a person imo – there’s so much more to someone.

        I’ve also found it with people who are really into weed too. All they bloody talk about is which bud or saliva is better or some other crap about getting high.

        Reply
  12. Poor oul divil

    Well done Fluffy
    This is another really interesting and thought provoking piece. I enjoy reading your posts.

    Reply
  13. AJT

    Hey, [Redacted] – that was your username on FabGuys wasn’t it? Looks like you’re about as popular here as you was on there. And that ain’t much.

    Reply
    1. fluffybiscuits

      There were a few banned for raising all the barebacking and other dark aspects that went on …actually those lads forced rule changes to clean the site up …it worked made it a safer place xx

      Reply

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