Author Archives: Fluffybiscuits

This morning.

In the latest dispatch from his often calamitous journey to find meaningful love in lockdown, hopeless romantic FluffyBiscuits writes:

The undertaker was a handsome devil, charming and flattering. After two cancellations and with me having a three strike rule he sauntered up for a coffee Sunday two weeks ago.

Nothing out of the ordinary except after four hours he is full on charm offensive. He bleats at me, “Im falling for you, I could fall for you,” interspersed with other random musings. At this point I picked a point on the wall and stared, a tactic I picked up from The General after reading his biography. Stare at one spot and say nothing.

The light faded and Mr Undertaker made his way home. That week he appeared to have gone to ground (see what I did there!) ,but he continued with the flattery, cancelling again on the Saturday following so I told him to take a hike. The next day he rings, apologises profusely and tries to flatter again. His job is all last minute. Anyways he ends it by saying: ‘Text you and we can chat about meeting up’.

Already being on edge with lockdown and not letting my guard down, I mentioned the situation to friends and this is where I learned about love bombing. A term that a person floods you with so much affection and then tries to withdraw it so you crave more. A form of control.

Little things this fella had mentioned clicked into place “I don’t like your beard”..” those clothes don’t suit you”…I had told him to sod off on those occasions but what if I had not been independent minded? My mental health had already taken a battering with lockdown pushing me to seek out a counselorand think my judgement had been impaired. Friends though through conversation spotted what I had mentioned,the chap was a control freak.

Last night I was chatting to a pal when my phone buzzed. This gobsh*te didn’t like my new profile photo and then an hour later when I didn’t respond tells me “Will take that’s it . No problem happy to do so . Enjoy life”…I just wrote “good luck”. Guys like this want you to fawn over them. Love Bomb, defused and sent packing!

Previously: ‘I’m Calling About The Car’

Gay men married to women in 21st century Ireland ‘exist more than we will ever know’, according to Fluffybiscuits.

Fluffybiscuits writes:

My phone rings at home on a Tuesday evening more miserable than the previous evening, surprising the weather given it is August. At the end of the line is a nervous voice that asks me “Say, ‘you are calling about the car'”.

Attempting to remember, I cop it, this is a a call on foot of a personal ad I posted looking to meet a lad for coffee and a chat and perhaps more than Friendship.

Hushing his voice down a notch, he quietly tells me “the wife is in the other room, would you be up for a bit of fun”. Straight away I have to play along as he follows up with “yeah so will I call over about the car” expecting me to go along with the ruse.

I hung up – cardinal rule, don’t mess around with other relationships, do not be a home wrecker. Lads like these are ten a penny, you couldn’t swing a large fat overweight cat for fear of striking one of these ubiquitous types.

The demographic tends to be men who are 40+ and just as being gay became acceptable/fashionable at the start of the century, there was still too much of an unwelcoming atmosphere for a lot of them.

Men at that time were feeling compelled to enter into a straight relationship with women, have children, dote on them, provide for said family. Weekends certainly came and go and these men would drop up to the park to satiate a lust for the same sex that straight marriage did not provide. These trysts 99% of the time never really became anything more than a casual hook up.

This post came about via a conversation with a man from a particular website and curiosity more than ever prompted me to ask him about his life and what his story was. Let’s call him D.

D got married at a young age going on to have three kids and said love making with his wife was extraordinary but he knew at the back of his mind that he was gay from a young age , engaging in trysts however the wife will never find out as he has too much to lose.

Growing up he suffered abuse at the hands of a family friend so love and sex perhaps became intertwined in ways that deviated from standard norms. Messages came from D either late at night well after midnight or very early in the morning, always a tell tale sign that they are trying to attempt to not let the wives find out their minor indiscretions.

TV presenter Philip Schofield came out at a time when it was reported that there was a potential kiss and tell story coming in that Sunday’s papers. The sympathy was certainly pouring out at how brave he was at coming out but there appeared to be little sympathy for his wife at the time.

I parked this article as I was writing it as I needed to run a few errands and popped back home last night to settle down with a bit of TV and a take away, standard midweek fare. Unsurprisingly my phone rang again and this time was a chap we will call B from down the country.

Married for 14 years and living in a small rural town it was fairly easy to read between the lines. B was engaged and was due to get married to the love of his life who he had been with for a few years.

Bluntly and directly I asked him was he gay, the poor lad stuttered: “No, I just like sex with men”

‘Sex with men’ was a term brought into common parlance for such men, something coined to avoid demeaning their masculinity if you were to ask me.

Every time a lad like this rings me he usually blocks his number. B then asked “you are not going to out me are you”…heavily I reassured him no as that was not what I was about but said firmly married men are not my cup of tea.

Unfortunately I have the bad habit of trying to be their friend when at the end of the day and attempting to urge them not to get married and giving numbers for helplines so they avoid future unhappiness.

Then there is the man who I met for a coffee after he insisting in calling into my place. We agreed to go to the Spar up the road from me and once we sat down he told me about his wife. He left her September last year for a man he met down the Phoenix Park, a young chap that made him realise he was truly batting for my side and took it upon himself to move into the chap’s bedsit.

Asking after the welfare of the wife and kids, he shuts me down (and perhaps rightly so, I’m nosey) he tells me that he no longer talks to them but that he is happy now, grabs his coffee gleefuly informing me of heading down the park that evening.

Ask any gay man who is out and on the prowl or on the pull and they will tell you that they have different and varying ideas on their approach to married men.

One friend of mine avoids them at all costs, scoldin’ them for their infidelity, pouring scorn on their cheating ways. Many though will accept that they are homme fatales, liaisons should go ahead because if it’s not them getting the married man then it’s going to be someone else thus they may as well enable the behaviour.

There is no right or wrong answer in any of this. Just men finding their feet among many different realities they cannot accept.’

Previously: Fluffybiscuits on Broadsheet

Pic; Allstock

Hook up app Grindr has removed its ‘ethnicity filter’

Fluffybiscuits writes:

Grindr yesterday announced it would remove an ethnicity filter from their app. Is it racist to be not attracted to certain ethnicities or have a preference for a particular ethnicity or are we over thinking this and attraction is just attraction?

Anyone?

Grindr dating app removes ethnicity filter to support Black Lives Matter (The Guardian)

Fluffybiscuits is here.

Fluffy’ writes:

I know Eurovision 2020 is cancelled but there are a few shows on…Below is a flavour of what’s coming our way this week…

You can also vote in our own contest, Monday is our First Semi Final at around 8.15pm. There’s many ways to vote, Either through the link here, Send me a message or vote via a online system on the night itself…

Tonight, Wednesday, May 13

• 7pm – ESC Fan TV’s Eurovision 1974 re-watch (Facebook)

• 7pm – WiWi Jam at Home (Wiwibloggs YouTube)

Thursday 14

• 7.30pm – Charlie Hide’s Alternative Eurovision Quiz

• 8pm – Eurovision Song Celebration: Semi Final 2 (Official Eurovision YouTube)

Friday 15

• 6pm – OGAE UK Eurostars at Home (Facebook)

• 7pm – Eurovision Fan Contest & Live Reveal of OGAE Polls (OGAE International YouTube)

• 9pm – OGAE UK’s Virtual Euroclub (Twitch & Facebook)

• 9.30pm – Eurovision at 60 (BBC 4)

• 11pm – Dana: The Original Derry Girl (BBC 4)

Saturday 16

• 3am – From Abba to Azerbaijan (BBC Radio 2)

• 9.30am – Eurovision 2020: Big Night In (SBS Australia)

• 10am – Graham Norton (Radio 2)

• 5.40pm – Pointless Celebrities (BBC 1)

• 6.25pm – Eurovision 2020: Come Together (BBC 1)

• 8pm – Eurovision 2020: Europe Shine a Light (RTE 1/BBC 1)

• 9pm – Graham Norton, Douze Points (Radio 2)

• 11pm – TOTP2 Goes Eurovision (BBC 2)

• 10pm – The A-Z of Eurovision (BBC 2)

• 10pm – Eurovision Kings and Queens of Pop (Radio 2)

• 2am – Ken Bruce’s Ultimate Eurovision Countdown (Radio 2)

Sunday 17

• 8pm – EurovisionAgain (Twitter & Facebook)

• 8pm – Retrovision 1974 (Facebook)

All first semi final songs here.

Baku, the capital city of Azerbaijan

Going abroad next year?

Have you considered Azerbaijan?

No wait, come back.

Fluffybiscuits writes:

Various groups of friends are planning their summer expeditions along the already well-trodden paths of Lanzarote, Nice or far-flung beaches in Greece .

I am hoping to give an overview of different destinations every so often on Broadsheet based on my own travels and the first to come to mind is Azerbaijan (Azer-what? I hear you say).

The pragmatic side of things – you need a visa which costs around 20 (the price of your entry to Coppers and about one pint in there for our culchie brethren).

But what could be in Azerbaijan?

The capital Baku has been ruled over by the Soviets, the Ottamans and rests on a confluence of culture of Turkish/Russian/Middle Eastern and lately European culture. Food alone is worth a visit.

The national dish is Plov, a pilau rice based dish based on fruit, rice and cooked in a rich stock somewhat savoury and somewhat sweet but never quite both in extremis.

Baku the capital has had money poured into it by the oil rich and ‘ruler’ Aliyev. Unemployment is unheard of as those who otherwise might be unemployed are gainfully employed as car parking attendants or road sweepers.

Baku lies on the Black Sea and is a major transport hub. Standing just over the promenade is the three flame towers in which the colours of the Azerbaijani flag dance interchangeably in what counts as one of the biggest white elephants in existence.

Only about the first ten floors are used and the rest is just tens of floors of glass, however pointless it is, it is spectacular.

An old town winds around part of the city littered with stray cats but also littered with little shops, bakeries, restaurants and bars.

Ignore the carpet museum (the only other place I encountered an Irish guy who was raised in Luxembourg) as most of the tapestries are like the DUP – pointless and were probably last relevant 80 to a 100 years ago if even.

What is worth seeing is the Palace of the Shirvanshahs which is spectacular.

My only visit was December 2017. After a day of sightseeing I ended up going to a pub called The Shakespeare and happened upon a conversation between a local and two Canadians.

The Canadians stared amazingly as we had about six pints each before criticising us for how much we drank. After they fupped off, the local invited me to a basement club where there was about ten Georgians and a Russian woman.

After fending off an approach from the Russian woman and us all singing trad songs (Fairytale of New York counts) and numerous rounds of traditional liqeur (brandy and Baileys) I became engrossed in conversation with one Georgian man who tells me about his interests, one of which was Eurovision – we add each other on FB and discover we have ten friends we know in real life…what are the odds…eh?

Unorthodox, way to go if you ask me…

Previously: Fluffybiscuits on Broadsheet

Pic: Getty