Virgin Galactic’s Richard Branson (right) is aiming to beat Amazon’s Jeff Bezos (left) into space by nine days
The tedious billionaires’ race
Is now starting to pick up pace
It isn’t just spin
Soon someone will win
And be the first arsehole in space
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Only six tenders for the rollout of toilets as part of new cafe or retail kiosks across Dublin, instead of portaloos, have been made to Dublin City Council
They promised, to me and to you
Plans that looked too good to be true
But alas now they say
There’ll be a delay
Before people have somewhere to poo
North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, has sacked several senior party officials over a “grave” coronavirus incident
I don’t mean to scare anyone
But our hero, the great Kim Jong-un
Has just been betrayed
As errors were made
And the guilty have gone on the run
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Mexico’s Supreme Court has struck down laws prohibiting marijuana use but criminal penalties for possessing more than five grammes or selling the drug remain in place
Mexican judges agreed
That the people have a right to weed
But the country’s elite
Are dragging their feet
And not giving folk what they need
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Australia’s New South Wales Police Commissioner Mick Fuller said two naked men got lost after running into a forest on seeing a wid buck deer
Two blokes in the nip got the fear
When chased by a big angry deer
At the end of the day
They both had to pay
A big fine, which seems rather severe
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Russia and China have teamed up and plan to build a base on the moon
Our Russian friends and the Chinese
Have cooked up a scheme bound to please
They say that quite soon
There’ll be folk on the moon
And I think we need more of these
The National Maternity Hospital could now relocate to Tallaght or Blanchardstown
One thing nobody wants to see
Is us building a facility
On top of some land
Where we cannot command
But thankfully there‘s a plan B
A lab test failed to identify any tuna DNA in a series of Subway tuna sandwiches.
In New York there’s boffins who say
They saw no tuna DNA
In a roll. If you wish
To dine on that fish
Perhaps don’t buy it in Subway
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UK research shows people who drank coffee had a 49% reduced risk of chronic liver disease
Here’s some morning news you should know
Some boffins say your cup of joe
Looks set to deliver
Good health to your liver
So what are you waiting for? Go.
iStock
Gardaí have said that people cannot drink alcohol in seating spaces recently set up on streets in front of bars and restaurant not covered by licences
Of late it’s felt like a great treat
To drink in the sun on a street
Just one little flaw
You might break the law
By putting your arse in a seat
