I open the papers to see
That Limerick is the place to be
To have a good time
Swap some of your slime
And come home with an STD.

John Moynes

Some boffins now claim they have shown
Why we lack a genital bone
Monogamy means
We don’t need the genes
For support in our down below zone.

John Moynes

Actress Lynda Carter during a ceremony as the UN named ‘Wonder Woman’ its Honorary Ambassador for the Empowerment of Women and Girls in October.

This bad news comes from the UN
A woman gets picked on again
After fighting for rights
While wearing sheer tights
She gets fired by a panel of men.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty Images

That outspoken man about town
McGregor now looks quite the clown
He posed for a shot
But somehow did not
See his newspaper was upside down.

John Moynes

Pic via The NotoriousMMA

Location’s the deciding thing
When buying an engagement ring
In Cavan they’re small,
Hardly costing at all,
But a Cork man spends cash like a King.

John Moynes

Pic: Shutterstock

The next time you meet a giraffe
Be sure to take a photograph
For experts have said
That they’ll soon all be dead
Which will not be cause for a laugh.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

Now start up your engines and go
Through Dublin exceedingly slow
They’ll be clamping down
On speed in this town
So the traffic like treacle can flow.

John Moynes

Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi announces his resignation last night

The Italian people said no,
They’re sticking with the status quo,
So the radical man
Who wrote the failed plan
Has tearfully said he must go.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

US President -Elect Donald Trump and ‘likely defence secretary’ retired Marine Corps Gen. James Mattis

When Trump met a soldier named Jim
He ended up appointing him
To create peace on earth
But for what it’s worth
I reckon his chances are slim.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

The site where a replica of the Titanic will be built in Suining, Sichuan province, China.

The Chinese decided to float
The idea of rebuilding a boat
But this time they think
The Titanic won’t sink
As they’re keeping all oceans remote.

John Moynes

Pic via Getty