Some scientists now reckon that,
There’s no need to cut down on fat,
When shedding some pounds,
But hang on, it sounds,
Like they’re in a nutritional spat.

John Moynes

(Getty)

Legalise Cannabis march, Dublin July 2009

Will we see the day when it’s decreed,
That Paddy can spark up some weed?
It would be nice if,
They legalised spliff,
Let’s face it, it’s just what we need.

John Moynes

(RollingNews.ie)

A lot of folks find it quite strange,
To queue in a shop and arrange,
A big awkward stash,
Of low value cash,
So we’re saying goodbye to small change.

John Moynes

(BBC)

The poindexters reckon red meat,
Isn’t something that someone should eat,
Out of every nose bag,
But just like a fag,
It’s best as an occasional treat.

John Moynes

(Tesco)

Punta Bellena, the main strip in Magaluf, Majorca, Spain

The citizens of Magaluf,
Felt their city was getting too rough,
So they’ve clamped down on brawls,
And endless pub crawls,
Now they reckon they’re doing enough.

John Moynes

(Getty)

The people from Reebok have said,
That an error made Conor see red,
No one wanted to make,
The silly mistake,
That left out the teddy bear’s head.

John Moynes

(UFC)

US teenager Ahmed Mohamed, who was arrested for bringing a ‘hoax bomb’ to his school

Sometimes a chap has to take stock,
If he’s picked up for making a clock,
And put in a cell,
Then emigrates, well,
That can’t really come as a shock.

John Moynes

Pic: Andrew Harnik/PA

Were sensitive readers left shook,
When Patsy decided to look,
At a rather old word,
That’s not often heard,
From well-behaved mouths? Were they fuck.

John Moynes

Ireland rugby supporters in the Botanic Bar, Belfast yesterday

Other people will shed tears and blame,
The athletes who brought Ireland shame,
Other people, not I,
There’s something in my eye,
But I don’t watch that garrison game.

John Moynes

Pic: Newsletter

Last week an anonymous Hun,
Flew south with a rather large gun,
To go out and cull,
An elephant bull,
Which all sounds like jolly good fun.

John Moynes