Tesla CEO Elon Musk is asking a federal judge to reject a consent decree with the US Securities and Exchange Commission that requires his tweets to be approved by a lawyer before he can post them
Personally I think it’s neat
That one billionaire cannot tweet
Unless lawyers say
That his words are ok
And he won’t fill his mouth up with feet
Picture Alliance
A man was sentenced to three years in prison after illegally obtaining a coronavirus relief loan and using more than $57,000 of the money to buy a collectible Pokémon card
A fellow who found it quite hard
To say no to a Pokémon card
Got his hands on a stash
Of charity cash
And spent it on a Charizard
Getty
A restaurant that sells Poutine, a dish that shares its name in French with the maligned Russian president, has become the target of protest
Tell me have you ever been
A fan of Quebecois poutine?
Well you’ll eat it no more
Because of the war
It’s a dish that is no longer seen
Fstock
Europeans should turn down their thermostats by a degree to save on gas and reduce dependency on Russian imports, the world’s leading energy adviser has said
In Europe some people think we
Should help out to keep Ukraine free
And the way to do that
Is with your thermostat
Just turn the thing down one degree
Airtricity
Google-owned Fitbit has recalled one million smartwatches after users reported burn injuries after the battery overheated
Have you heard of a smart watch? Well it
Can be helpful if you’re getting fit
But I’ve heard reports
That while playing sports
Some models might burn you a bit
A chef who was caught with a stash of cocaine and cannabis at his home in Cork and €35,000 cash in a bedroom safe has been jailed
The Gardaí thought they’d take a look
At what was in the home of a cook
They found coke and hash
And a large pile of cash
And so at him they threw the book
The BBC risks being banned in Russia if Kremlin-backed broadcaster RT is shut down in the UK
In Britain Conservatives say
If they try to ban Russia Today
Putin might react
So really, in fact
They’ll just let it broadcast away
Getty
When repeatedly pressed yesterday by ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, Republican senator Tom Cotton (above) declined to condemn Donald Trump’s praise for Vladamir Putin
Tom Cotton refused to explain
Trump’s bizarre stance on Ukraine
And he stuck to his choice
Of losing his voice
When George asked him again and again
ABC
French Presidential candidate Valérie Pécresse (above) is facing allegations that a dog named Douglas signed up for her presidential primary
Our politics can seem strange but
It seems that in Nice there’s a mutt
Which journalists note
Is entitled to vote
And up with this France shouldn’t put
Getty
Scientists report unexpected brain activity in a patient as he died from heart attack
Boffins still can’t explain why
Your life might flash before your eye
But one high tech scan
Of a poorly man
Hints this may take place before you die
University of Louisville
