The Department of Health struggled to know how to spend €800m a week after Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly (above) secured its largest ever budget, a whistleblower has claimed
I’m sorry to say Ireland’s still
Not the best place to get ill
The Department of Health
Clearly doesn’t lack wealth
What’s absent, it seems, is the will
Authorities in California are trying to trap a 500-pound black bear known as “Hank the Tank” who has has broken into nearly 30 homes
Near lake Tahoe a very large bear
Has decided it will now go where
The hell that it chooses
And no one refuses
As the sight of him gives you a scare
ITV
Donald Trump’s new social media app is available from today in the Apple App store
I’m sure it will cause great delight
To everyone on the alt-right
Trump’s app’s on the way
And top sources say
It’s a great place to talk lots of shite
Gett/Shutterstock
A giant strawberry (above) grown in Israel and weighing 289 grams (10.19 ounces) has been confirmed as setting a new Guinness World Record as the heaviest ever
A farmer called Chahi Ariel
Grows fruit and he does it damned well
He’s produced a strawberry
Which folk say is very
Big, and I think that that’s swell
AFP
Heineken said it will raise prices for its beer by “courageous” amounts as it seeks to offset rising raw material and energy costs and “crazy” shipping rates
In Holland the brewers of beer
Say a whopping great price rise is near
As it seems that inflation
Is the explanation
Of why we may soon have less cheer
Pic via Heineken
Government sources tell the Irish Examiner that mask-wearing requirements could be lifted as soon as next week
The next phase of state regulation
About Covid demands explanation
They’ll no longer ask
That you wear a mask
Though that’s still a recommendation
An astronomer who said that a stage from a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket was going to hit the Moon on March 4, has admitted that he and his colleague have misidentified the object
A contrite astronomer Bill Gray
Had something embarrassing to say
The rocket that soon
Will crash into the moon
Is Chinese, not from the USA
Some players of the viral word game Wordle have complained that it has become more difficult since it was bought by the New York Times
I’m sure that by now you have heard
Of the game in which you guess a word
But now, some folk say
It gets harder each day
Which to me just sounds downright absurd
NYT
Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov (right) has described talks with the British foreign secretary, Liz Truss (left), as like a conversation of “the mute with the deaf”
In Moscow the doughty Liz Truss
Sat down with Lavrov to discuss
The fate of Ukraine
But alas, once again
Her ignorance caused a big fuss
Getty
Anna Leporskaya’s ‘Three Figures’ was sent for restoration after a security guard doodled on it with a ballpoint pen on his first day
A bored worker on his first day
Found his conscience beginning to sway
So he drew some eyes, tainting
A valuable painting
For which he was soon sent away
The Art Newspaper, Russia
