[The Exchequer Wine Bar]

You may recall yesterday’s wine voucher competition in association  with the newly-opened Exchequer Wine Bar in Ranelagh, Dublin (above)

A €100 voucher to spend on glasses of the finest wine available to humanity was on offer.

Runners Up:

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh is like fishing, in an aquarium, with dynamite. (Lesser_Gatsby)

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh takes some bottle(s). (Dippy)

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh is like opening an STD clinic beside a brothel.
Both will make money and will be full of miserable pr!cks. (MrGavoB)

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh is likely to add four new grape varietals to Eamon Dunphy’s Five A Day. (Leo Dowling)

Opening a Wine Bar in Ranelagh is like trying to think of a metaphor but coming up with a simile. (STP)

Winner:

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh is like being up Jacobs Creek without a Pallagrello Nero (King Thistle)

Thanks all.

Previously: Cask Your Eyes Over This

It’s not YOUR day.

O’Brien’s Sandwich Cafes are giving away a free coffee to anyone who can present an ID in store proving that they are an O’Brien TODAY.

But what if you can’t make it to an O’Brien’s TODAY.

And yet share the popular surname?

We have FIVE vouchers for 10 FREE coffees and Sandwiches from O’Brien’s ANYTIME to the FIRST five Broadsheet readers genuinely named O’Brien who can complete this sentence.

“I am _________________from the O’Briens of____________________ [name town, county, etc]”

Lines MUST close at 10am.

Thanks Aislinn

The gentlemen behind the Exchequer in Dublin 2 – Peter and Ian – have just opened a second venture The Exchequer Wine Bar in Ranelagh, Dublin 6.

It’s almost entirely full of wine.

To celebrate we have a €100 voucher to spend on gargle (and small plates of nibbles) in the  bar WHENEVER you like.

To enter, simply complete this simple simile metaphor thing:

Opening a wine bar in Ranelagh is like____________________________

Lines MUST close at 4.45pm

The Exchequer Wine Bar

Video by AlongCameASpider

No cash, favours, wine, nibbles, etc given for this post.

With an authentic Viking helmet on offer we asked YOU to create a front page headline for the morning after the battle of Clontarf.

You answered in your ‘hordes’.

Runners up:

“Scandinavian Tourists Caught Up in Northside family Feud During Dublin Sea Font tirp” (Hybrid)

“Cath Chluain Tarbh: Boru Marbh!’’ (Nessy)

“Boru-tal Brian Beheaded As Vikings Clontarf-ing All The Way To Bank” (Optimus Grime)

“PAPPED! Viking Maidens Caught Bearing Ankle At Waterhole, pages 1-17. (Battle at Clontarf, Life & Style, pg. 42) (Ahjayziz)

“Headless Body Found In Topless Tent” (realpolitithick)

Winner:

The Star: AXE ME BOLLIX – EXCLUSIVE! BORU’S LAST WORDS
The Sun: BORU-HOO, WIDOW MOURNS HER BRIAN
Evening Herald: KILLING SPREE IN DUBLIN 3
Irish Times: PROPERTY SLUMP AFTER INCIDENTS ON DUBLIN’S NORTHSIDE
Irish Independent: GARDA CHIEFS DEMAND PROBE INTO AXE VIOLENCE
Sunday Independent: WAS DENIS O’BRIAN BORU BEHIND AXE LICENCE DEAL?
Daily Mail: SHAME OF OUR NATION’S TENT DWELLERS

(all from Ger).

Thanks all.

Previously: Would You Like A Real Viking Helmet?

Thanks Grainne Glenny

No wings.

No horns.

Just pure, historically-sound Viking.

More than 500 Vikings invade St. Anne’s Park, Raheny, Dublin this weekend as Dublin City Council hold a re-enactment of the Battle of Clontarf.

Over 40,000 visitors are expected to witness the Viking hordes and Irish armies slug it out twice daily in DRAMATIC reenactments

To mark this once-in-a-millennium event We have an ‘authentic’ Viking helmet (above)  – as worn by REAL re-enactors and worth nearly €200  – to giveaway.

The helmet, in a durable metal, has the distinctive ‘pillage-friendly’ nose shield and sturdy chin straps to support the unruliest of beard.

To enter, Dublin City Council want YOU to literally create a Viking ‘splash’ by completing this sentence.

My front page headline the morning after the Battle of Clontarf would read_______________________________’

Lines MUST close at midnight 7.30am 10am.

Battle of Clontarf Festival

DublinCityCouncil

Thanks Grainne Glenney

You may recall yesterday’s Easter Fun Pack competition?

Bertie Blenkinstop, Spaghetti Hoop and Condor (hijack attempt by andyourpointiswhatexactly duly noted) will be sent a fun package (above) worth €7.50 containing Clonakilty Chocolate and a toy from Clonakilty-based Little Green Dot handmade toys.

Thanks all.

Available to buy HERE

Previously: Have We Lost The True Meaning of Easter?

NEVER!

Lisa writes:

“Little Green Dot, the lovely handmade toy people from Clonakilty have teamed up with Clonakilty Chocolate, the handcrafted fairtrade chocolate people, to create the happy chocolatey puppet-ey fun pack!  There is a handmade Easter bunny finger puppet, a handcrafted fairtrade Easter chick chocolate lolli-pop in a fun pack with jokes and games all for €7.50 with free P&P. Limited numbers available.

Irish-made stuff marked ‘Irish-Made Stuff’ to broadsheet@broadsheet.ie. No fee, favours, lolli-chocs, etc.

We have THREE (yes just three) Easter Fun Packs to giveaway.

To enter Just answer this simple Easter Question question:

Who played Easter-spoiler Pontius Pilate on the big screen and was also known for his lollipops?

First three correct entries win the fun packs.

Lines MUST close at 4.30pm

You may recall the controversial Snickers work pants competition – with VikingDirect – from earlier with a pair of durable DuraTwill trousers in a cotton/pyalmide mix up for grabs?

The jury has returned already?

They have m’lud.

Runners up:

“because I just bought a house in need of a LOT of work. I have no DIY skills and NO budget to hire skilled tradesmen and so my only hope is that these pants can somehow give the wearer the competency skills to complete overwhelming DIY and house restoration projects.These pants do that, right??” (wubbelz)

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for me because when I leave the house without pants people throw things at me. These would be anti-throwing-things pants, which would be wonderful.” (Eoin)

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for me because I have worn the gusset out on my decades old Marathon pants ” (Willb)

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for me because I don’t know what it is, but when I’m on site and it’s a hot day I just have to take my shirt off and have a can of Diet Coke (watching my figure), but these office ladies across the way point and giggle and really it really flusters me and I end up splashing the can all over myself and my current work pants are just ruined at this stage.” (Rob Merrill)

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for me because in a tragic case of mistaken homonym I ate my last pair…”.(Mr T)

Winner:

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for my husband because the shitty economy has forced him to take a job far away from home, and I don’t get to see him for 3 days/nights each week. He spends his time on farms, in shitty (literally) cow sheds, installing milking machines and farming equipment. He’s ripped through several pairs of cheaper overalls, and a pair of Snickers trousers might keep him warm, dry and bring him home to me each week with a smile on his face! (Elly Parker)

Mmf.

Thanks all

Earlier Would You Like These Pants

Buy a pair  here

You may  recall yesterday’s Lindt Gold Bunny competition with a large chocolate rabbit worth €49.99 as the quarry.

We asked: how do you eat yours?

Runners-up

“I feel guilty when I start to eat mine as they sooo cute, so I smash em up into little bits that no longer resemble bunny bit and then sit back flake out and NOM NOM NOM” (Steve)

“Like a demented nun on craggy island administrating an abstinence programme.” (Am I Still on This Island)

“I like my Lindt bunnies to be eaten when I come home from the pub on Easter Saturday, and they belong to your nephew who wakes up the next day and no chocolate for Easter. Yes, this happened. Trying to find Lindt bunnies with a hangover on Easter Sunday was not fun and unsuccessful.” (AH HEYOR)

“As I have a fear of bunnies brought on by a bad experience I once had with some in a lift (they nibbled my cape and everything), I like to name my Lindt chocolate Gold Bunnies Sampras and kill them with a hammer, baseball bat, chainsaw or katana, then I eat them. Simple. (Lisa Powell)

Winner:

“Sobbing in my underwear.” (DNS)

Thanks all.

Previously: Too Soon?

[Snickers Men’s DuraTwill Trousers]

They have special powers pockets.

Peter writes:

“We’re currently working with a leading Irish office supplies website –VikingDirect.ie. I was wondering if we might be able to run  a competition with you on broadsheet.ie.I notice you’ve held competitions in the past.”

What did you have in mind?

“A pair of Snickers.”

Two bars?

“Snickers Work Trousers (in 32r, 34r,36r, 38r or 40r) with knee, holster and cuff reinforcements for extra durability. They feature a ruler pocket with an outside compartment, as well as a left leg pocket with mobile phone compartment.”

Reinforced gusset?

“As standard”

No chocolate though?

“They’re a different company.”

A sneaky bar in a side pocket?

“Just the pants.”

We have ONE pair of Snickers work pants (available at VikingDirect.ie) to giveaway

To enter please complete this sentence.

“The Snickers work pants would be particularly handy for me because I_______________________”

Lines MUST close at 12.45pm 1.45pm

Snickers Men’s Dura Twill Trousers (VikingDirect.ie)