[Ansley Silver Sailor]

You may recall yesterday’s competition to win a Irish-made watch from Ansley.

It was a little late in the day so you might have missed it.

Anyway.

Runners- up:

“Would you ever just give the Ansley watch to my brother because of his/her history of lateness, showing up to his friends wedding 3 hours late because he “forgot to change the time” after returning from Berlin, he was the best man at said wedding!” (Bejayziz)

“Would you ever just give the Ansley watch to my good self, who has twice in the past 2 months, woken up at 1.30pm on a Friday afternoon when work commenced at 8.30am. Needless to say the same excuse won’t work for a third time I’m guessing” (Cormac O’Halloran)

“Would you ever just give the Ansley watch to my friend Barry because of his history of lateness he caused someone to be late for their own funeral (by blocking the entrance of the family home with his car and coming back 20 minutes late leaving lots of people standing around in the rain at the house and the church. A team of lads were warming up to bounce the car clear when he arrived).” (Murtles)

Winner

“Would you ever just give the Ansley watch to my Dad, who turned 72 yesterday. He may be the loveliest man in the world but he has the worst time-keeping skills ever! He was literally late to his own wedding, after he fell asleep in the bath the morning of. He could definitely do with a watch!”(Ellie)

Thanks all

Previously: Living On Irish Time

[The Ansley Sailor Silver (top) as sported by Darren Kennedy (right) with mermen David Gandy, and Oliver Cheshire at June Rodgers in The Red Cow Inn a fashion whatsit in January]

Audi Murray writes:

The Ansley Watch Company was founded in 2012 by Arthur Smith an Irish entrepreneur from Dublin and an Irish-based Swedish designer, both completely Horology obsessed with a penchant for Vintage watches. We’ve launched 2 unisex collections;The Army Series’, and ‘The Sailor Series’ in Sweden and in Ireland we’re having a fantastic reaction from customers,stockists and hope to export Ansley this year. We’re firmly committed to keeping Ansley production in Ireland and we feel there are so many small companies within the Heritage community that can add to the Ansley brand.

Ansley Watches

Irish-made stuff to broadsheet@broadsheet.ie marked Irish-Made Stuff. No fee, timepieces, etc.

Pssst!

Would you like the above watch – worth €149 on YOUR wrist for nothing?

Ansley have given us one to GIVEAWAY.

They would like  YOU to complete this timely sentence

Would you ever just give the Ansley watch to_______________________ because of his/her history of lateness [may include anecdote here].

Lines MUST close at 5.45pm 6.35pm

You may recall yesterday’s Sex Siopa competition to win his ‘n’ hers adult toys from ireland’s first health and design focused  sex aid shop.

Runners-up

“My friend kevin Whitty deserves a designer sex toy because he’s got is an old Nokia 3210 that has got so much use it doesn’t even vibrate any more (therealkevinwhitty)

“My friend pussy deserves a designer sex toy because she’s a c***.” (Dolly)

Winners:

“My friend (me) deserves a designer sex toy because I am in the throes of redundancy arguments with the company I work for and would rather be in the throes of passion. Also I broke my last one and will be way too broke to buy a new one :)” (Katia)

“My friend joey deserves a designer sex toy because hes a design student doing his thesis and deserves a good one when he can! :) …plus the design is probably enough to get him going! :P” (John Boden22)

John’s ‘friend’ Joey wins a Red Dot design award winning Tenga 3D masturbation sleeve and Katia wins the brand new Minna Limon programmable vibrator. Winners AND Runners up win a box of Sir Richard’s’ condoms. Rarr.

Thanks all.

Sex Siopa

Previously: Something For The Weekend?

You may recall yesterday’s competition to win a copy of Oileáin, the guide to the islands of Ireland by David Walsh.

We asked You: What is Ireland’s least hospitable island”

Author and kayaker David writes:

“Some great answers and everyone missed the one I’d have given it for, namely The Bull off the end of Dursey Island in west Cork. Nobody has ever gone there and come back without a thousand yard stare for days afterwards.

Given the stated criteria, “Ireland’s least hospitable Island [in terms of access, landing, etc]?”. I discounted several types of entries. First, islands allegedly made inhospitable by human effort – Ireland (though ‘Dangerfield’ tempted me), Saltees, Lambay, Spike, Garinish etc. Second, islands where an absence of tidal movement means landing can be handy enough on the odd calm day – High, Diarmuid and Grainne’s, Bills, Skellig Michael, Lemon etc.

Third I discounted big yokes or little yokes where the problem was climbing upwards or making progress once landed Dún Briste, Tormore, Skellig Little, as well as some of the category two ones as well. Last, some of the islands were actually easily landed, including the thing on the cover of the book [above], which is the Branan Mor, immediately below the viewing platform on the Cliffs of Moher. For some reason it is always or nearly always calm just at a certain spot, and it is often used for a lunchstop by kayakers going between Doolin and Lahinch, despite you could throw a stone at the surfers on Aileens from there.

Umfin, Oyster, Keeraghs, and even Duvillaun Mor (try harder guys, it’s handy enough at the northeast under the “house”) are actually easily landed.

The remaining candidates are Tuskar (Schweddy), Fastnet (Talismania) and Rockall (Skibum was first). Tuskar is in for much the same reason as Dursey Bull, you get one shot at the title only, because of the tides (out with the ebb and home with the flood), so experienced hands only need apply.

Fastnet has defeated so many kayakers of my acquaintance, simply because of what it is and where (shallow immediately off, deep everywhere else), and certainly my group couldn’t go ashore except one at a time, the other guy minding the boats 30 metres off, while everything for miles around was like a mirror.

And Rockall needs no explanation. It was nearly knocked off its perch by Hasslewood Rock, landed that I know of once and once only, and by an Irish guy at that, but it wasn’t treated in the book separately as an island.

It’s a pity someone has to be pipped at the post but sorry Skibum. The solicitor in me goes with the constutional bit. Rockall isn’t in Ireland’s undisputed jurisdiction. It suits the Irish government to disown it ! So I am going with Fastnet (Talismania) and Tuskar (Schweddy).”

Thanks all

Yesterday: Take Me To The Islands

[The cover of Oileáin, top, and its author David Walsh]

Oileáin is a 292-page gloriously illustrated guide to the islands of Ireland and a labour of love by Dublin solicitor and sea kayaker David Walsh .

David has personally landed on 503 of the 574 islands around Ireland featured in this updated Oileáin, first published  in 2004.

Oileáin tells it as it is, rock by rock, good and bad, pleasant and gnarly. It concentrates on landings and access and includes information on camping, drinking water, tides, history, climbing, birds, whales, dolphins and salty sea legends.

Oileáin costs an island-hopping €30 [ from Great Outdoors or online here] but we have TWO copies, inscribed to the winner’s requirements to giveaway.

To enter, just answer this simple question .

What in your opinion is Ireland’s least hospitable Island [in terms of access, landing, etc]?

Lines must close at 7.15pm. 1am.

David will select the winners. No cash, favours or island guides were given for this post.

You may recall the rugby competition yesterday?

‘DazzaMazza’ has won a pair of posh seats for the Leinster Vs Zebre match on Friday in the RDS, Ballsbridge, Dublin with this winning advice for Brian O’Driscoll..

“If I was currently Brian O’Driscoll’s agent my advice to him would be to read this memo

1. We need to advertise some things but not that pinergy stuff, sounds dodgy.
2. We need to send Warren [Gatland] a photo of you with the six nations trophy and those man of the match medals.
3. We need to write to the lords of the Internet and ask them to take down the blonde mullet photos
4. We need to bring out a range of fruit salads WITH Tomatoes. The public will love them.
5. We need to put you out to stud. Yes it’s controversial but it could be an earner for us.”

Your agent
Honest Dan”

Thanks all.

Previously: Had Enough Rugby?

You may recall yesterday’s movie insult competition?

The most enjoyable put downs nominated by YOU but selected by the judges at Wide Eye Media [formerly Carlton Screen Advertising] are…

“I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Nominated by Andyourpointiswhatexactly)

“If I medicined you, you’d think a brain tumour was a birthday present.”

Withnail and I (Nominated by Bertie Blenkinsop)

“You human paraquat”

The Big Lebowski.(Nominated by Odackatee)

“I mean, didn’t you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn’t that give you some sort of clue like, ‘Hey, maybe this guy’s not enjoying it’? You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle—your stories have none of that. They’re not even amusing accidentally! ‘Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh, and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.’ I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, ‘How can you stand it?’ I’d say, ‘Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take anything.” And you know what they’d say? They’d say, ‘I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Whoa.’ It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you to have a little string on your chest that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back—you would. ‘Aah, aah, aah.’ And by the way, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea—have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!”

‘Planes Trains and Automobiles’ (@3.48) (Nominated by MrGavoB who writes: “1. because the build up is priceless 2. because its a hell of a put down 3.because John Candy’s reaction to it breaks your heart and you then feel bad for laughing at what Steve Martin was saying in the first place.”)

“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Billy Madison (Nominated  by Clare)

Thanks all

Previously: What Time Does The Film Start?

UPDATE: Some of the winners got mixed up in an earlier version of this post. Apologies. Fixed now.  Sorry all.

UPDATE 2: The judges are deciding whether to ban the Withnail and I line insult/threat or let it WIN. More as we get it.