Government sources have told The Irish Times that Level 5 restrictions will stay until April

Instead of spokespeople who speak
Our leaders have leakers who leak
It’s just how they choose
To handle bad news
Without tarnishing their mystique

John Moynes

RollingNews

Meanwhile…

Level 5 for another 9 weeks dropped casually by informal sources just goes to show how the government doesn’t give a fuck about people’s mental health in this country, they drop things like that with absolutely no sensitivity

— colleen 🥑 (@colleenconlon00) February 18, 2021

Mindfulness, laughter and a robot dog may relieve lockdown loneliness, say University of Cambridge researchers

Some boffins researched what is known
About coping with living alone
And it seems your best bet
Might be a robot pet
To liven up your comfort zone

John Moynes

Pic: Sony

European space chiefs have launched their first recruitment drive for new astronauts in 11 years, with particular emphasis on encouraging women and people with disabilities to join missions

Now Europe is starting to chase
After people to send in to space
Which may seem extreme
But don’t we all dream
Of being more than 5k from this place?

John Moynes

ESA

More than 120 camels roaming the Australian outback have been auctioned off online for about $250 a head

An Aussie with fields full of weed
Can rely on a camel whose greed
For acacia to eat
Which they see as a treat
Will clear the land up at great speed

John Moynes

Getty

Australian celebrity magazine New Idea’s cover story (right) declared Britain’s Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are separating on the same day the couple announced they are expecting their second child.

At what should be a time of great joy
When expecting a girl or a boy
Some Aussies think it
Is time that you split
That’s something that’s bound to annoy

John Moynes

Romance scammers are making fortunes thanks to lonely singles stuck at home during the pandemic

As lockdown looks set to drag on
It may seem nice if you chance upon
A mystery crush
But don’t be in a rush
To make contact, it may be a con

John Moynes

Pic: Pixabay

US boffins have shown that pigs can use a digital screen and joystick, operated by their snout, to move a cursor around for rewards

So pigs, if they’re given joysticks
Can be taught to do several tricks
On a computer screen
It remains to be seen
What problems this news may now fix

John Moynes

Pic: Candice Croney

Hippopotamuses brought to Colombia as part of drug dealer Pablo Escobar’s private zoo must be culled, scientists say

There’s still quite a big job to do
With the remnants of Escobar’s zoo
As it’s widely agreed
That wild hippos will breed
And they’re dangerous beasts to bump into

John Moynes

Pic: CNN

The Brazil Butt Lift is the fastest growing cosmetic surgery in the world, despite the mounting number of deaths resulting from the procedure

Do you think that this might be the year
When you let surgeons sort out your rear?
Some experts advise
That it may not be wise
They think the whole thing’s a bum steer

John Moynes

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II lobbied the UK government to conceal her “embarrassing” private wealth from the public, according to documents obtained by The Guardian

In Britain an embarrassed queen
Did not want her wealth to be seen
So befitting her station
A shell corporation
Acts as a vast opaque screen

John Moynes

Getty