The effects of a smile may be better than sex, researchers claim
The etiquette of having sex
Can sometimes be rather complex
So don’t live in sin
Just wear a big grin
You may find it has the same effects
John Moynes
Pic: OrthodonticsLtd
Author Archives: John Moynes
Minister Shane Ross (left) defied spending officials by pushing through €5m to an airport that hasn’t had a commercial flight in three years in the Waterford constituency of Independent Alliance colleague John Halligan (right)
I wonder can Shane Ross explain
Why an airport that’s not seen a plane
Needs a large wedge of cash
As this seems rather rash
And it’s hard to describe it as sane
John Moynes
Endurance athlete Nick Griffiths sent two of his toes lost to frostbite to be used in a Canadian cocktail
When your doctors say that your toe
Is past saving and will have to go
There’s no need to fret
As your digit might get
A new home in a drink in the snow
John Moynes
Pic: Twitter/Nick Griffiths
Scientists say central American convict cichlids (above) become glum when they split up.
A young female cichlid, well she
Will display optimism and glee
Until her favourite mate
Turns her down for a date
Then there’s plenty more fish in the sea
John Moynes
Pic: EPA
Professor Adrian Cheok (right), who advocates sex for with robots, has been awarded awarded a birthday honour from the UK’s Queen Elizabeth
A boffin who thinks a sex bot
Is useful, convenient and hot
And supports the far right
Would be far out of sight
From honours. It seems he is not
John Moynes
Pics: Shutterstock/twitter
A tree – a gift from French President Emmanuel Macron to US President Donald Trump at the White House in 2018 – has reportedly died
While we all thought it lovely to see
Trump and Macron plant a tree
In a week, at the most
The oak gave up the ghost
And died in the land of the free
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
If you want to poison your boss
Or strangle them with dental floss
You may think that’s bad
Or that you’re going mad
But psychologists don’t give a toss
John Moynes
Pic: Allstock
US President Donald Trump and Taoiseach Leo Varadkar at Shannon Airport yesterday evening
So Trump came to pay us a call
And display his great IQ shortfall
He thought he could sell
Brexit as going well
And he thinks that our border’s a wall
John Moynes
Washed up psycho @BetteMidler was forced to apologize for a statement she attributed to me that turned out to be totally fabricated by her in order to make “your great president” look really bad. She got caught, just like the Fake News Media gets caught. A sick scammer!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 5, 2019
US President Donald Trumpo responds to being misquoted by entertainer Bette Midler (top left)
Most presidents simply don’t get
A chance to get angry with Bette
Midler who tweeted
And later deleted
A quote which she may now regret
John Moynes
Pics: Getty
Boris Johnson launched his campaign yesterday to be leader of the UK Conservative Party
So Johnson’s advisers now feel
It’s time that he made his appeal
And if he can excite
The old Tory right
He’s the man to get Britain no deal
John Moynes