It’s Christmas, let’s start to prepare
Here‘s oil for your down below hair
The opening bid
Is forty four quid
You can stick it- well, I won’t say where
John Moynes
Pic: Goop
Author Archives: John Moynes
UK Prime Minister Theresa May and Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn in the House of Commons yesterday
As one all the Tories conclude
That Jeremy was rather rude
To their dear leader May
But what did he say?
Who cares while their country’s still screwed?
John Moynes
Pics: Sky News
Yesterday: Read My Lips
US President Donald Trump has agreed to dissolve his charitable foundation
The Donald once sought acclamation
By running his big Trump Foundation
Which he called a success
But the books were a mess
Which defied any honest narration
John Moynes
Pic: AP
Australian MP Andrew Broad has promised to quit politics following allegations he was using websites to meet younger women on business trips
An Australian seeking a date
Once texted the words “G’day mate”
To someone in Hong Kong
Which his wife felt was wrong
And it sealed his political fate
John Moynes
Pic: AP
Met Éireann forecasters see little chance of snow this Christmas
Each Christmas we dream of the sight
Of a landscape that’s glistening and white
So will we have snow?
The boffins say no
So let’s hope they’re all talking shite
John Moynes
Pic: Diageo
Clean-shaven Irish Times cultural critic Donald Clarke has called for a ban on beards
When Donald admitted he feared
The sight or the feel of a beard
Was he being sardonic
Or merely ironic?
I don’t care. He’s wrong and he’s weird.
John Moynes
Pic: Irish Times
UK Prime Minister Theresa May in Downing Street last night
An Etonian’s dream of a coup
Failed, in the end, to come true
And Prime Minister May
Again starts her day
With no idea what she should do
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Sir Graham Brady (left), the chair of the 1922 Committee, has received at least 48 letters from Conservative MPs calling for a vote of no confidence in Theresa May (right) as UK Prime Minister
A Tory grandee Graham Brady
Has given bad news to a lady
He’s got forty eight notes
So it’s time for some votes
And her future’s looking quite shady
John Moynes
Pic via Twitter
UK Labour Party MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle makes a Brexit protest in Britain’s House of Commons yesterday
Westminster’s a curious place
And the Brits are rather odd race
Their latest disorder’s
Not caused by hard borders
Just a chap with a five foot long mace
John Moynes
Irish adults can expect on average to put on half a stone over the Xmas holidays
This month there’s a magical date
When we pile extra food on our plate
So you won’t be alone
If you gain half a stone
As they say that’s our national fate
John Moynes
Pic: Shutterstock