Every year, there’s a funniest joke competition among the comedians of the Edinburgh Fringe. This year’s winner was ‘full time man-myth and professional dick-kicker’ Nick Helm. Here for comparison purposes, are the top ten:
1) Nick Helm: “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
2) Tim Vine: “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
3) Hannibal Buress: “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time’. You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”
4) Tim Key: “Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought… once you’ve hired the car…”
5) Matt Kirshen: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
6) Sarah Millican: “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
7) Alan Sharp: “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”
8) Mark Watson: “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”
9) Andrew Lawrence: “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”
10) DeAnne Smith: “My friend died doing what he loved … Heroin.”
(BBC News Scotland)
Zimbabwe-born prop Brian Mujati (above) has accused Leinster’s South African duo Steven Sykes and Heinke van der Merwe of making racist remarks about him during the province’s loss last night to the Northampton Saints.“I was shocked by how how blatant they were being and to think I actually thought I knew Heinke (above) from back in the Lions days”, he said of the pair’s time together at the Johannesburg club side.
