Glamour magazine’s Women of the Year 2016, from Left: Sue Lowe, Alicia Lowe, A’Driane Nieves, Jane Maynard, Bono, Diana Lamon, Mazelle Etessami, and Carrie Cohen
Let the meninists stand up and cheer
For U2’s much loved balladeer
As well as making pop
He’s shot to the top
Of the list of great women this year.
John Moynes
Pic: Glamour
ATMs may be hit by a cash shortage this weekend if the Garda strike goes ahead
This weekend some will wonder why
The drink links are all running dry
So build up a stash
Of your hard earned cash
Or your barman will soon see you cry.
John Moynes
Pics: Rollingnews.
An injected male contraceptive has been shown to be almost 100 per cent effective
If you’ve got a date with a chick
Get down to the health centre quick
And soon you’ll give thanks
That you’re now shooting blanks
But you might feel a bit of a prick.
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Taoiseach Enda Kenny at the launch of the Federation for Victim Assistance’s new Freephone Number in Buswells Hotel, Dublin yesterday
The Taoiseach has called on the state
To engage in a great massed debate
As he reckons we ain’t
Keen on having the taint
Of a porn avalanche as our fate.
John Moynes
Rollingnews.ie
The Vatican says that you must
Not cling to your ancestors’ dust
Don’t keep it around
Put it deep in the ground
Or else you will find you’ve been cussed.
John Moynes
Pic: The Big Lebowski
Federico (‘Fede’) Jaime (left) is helped after being bitten by a shark in Maui, Hawai
In Hawaii a rather bright spark
Went out for a surf with a shark
He suffered some harm
To his leg and his arm
But didn’t report on the bark.
John Moynes
Pic: Matt Meola/AP
If the bright sparks in government choose
To make shopkeepers hide all the booze
Then the plain folk won’t think
To purchase a drink
I just can’t see how they could lose.
John Moynes
Rollignnews
Stills from a cancelled UK Conservative Party General Election video wherein a DUP and a Sinn Féin member become clowns
It’s sad that the Tories turned down
A film that featured a clown
Because clowns are so in
That this bit of spin
Would have been the talk of the town.
John Moynes
Pics Via The Irish News
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton during the US Presidential Election debate last night
With dignity someone can choose
To stand like a man if they lose
From deep in the pit
You can dig up a shit
Who’ll hint in advance he’ll refuse.
John Moynes
Pics: NBC
If you’re planning to suffer a crime
Make sure that you pick the right time
If you meet with a thug
And allow him to mug
You next month you’ll be left in the slime.
John Moynes
Rollingnews
