West Tyrone MLA Barry McElduff

On the second day of burgergate,
A Shinner stepped up to the plate,
But was it for this,
Type of taking the piss,
That so many men met their fate?

John Moynes

(Belfast Newsletter)

Former GAA referees chief Pat McEnaney

A GAA referee Pat,
Has said that he’s fairly sure that,
Up in Ballymun,
They headbutt for fun,
And he’s kicked off an unseemly spat.

John Moynes

(RTÉ)

McDonald’s new McMór ‘artisan’ burger

You’re a hipster, and therefore a fan,
Of hard-to-get organic scran,
You’re bound to deplore,
The so-called McMór,
As it’s never met an artisan.

John Moynes

(McDonald’s)

Mayo’s Cillian O’Connor (right) and Michael Fitzsimons (Dublin) in Croke Park, Dublin yesterday

Let’s face it, there was a big flaw,
In the Dublin team that we all saw,
Too tired at the end,
To fight and defend,
And lucky to keep it a draw.

John Moynes

Pic: Sky Sports

Apparently some people think,
That humans can live without drink,
And not just survive,
But actually thrive,
Their brains all must be on the blink.

John Moynes

(RollingNews.ie)

Dublin Fire Brigade attend a fire in Mountjoy Square, Dublin last Summer

Things already look rather dire,
When you find out your house is on fire,
Now the Dublin Brigade,
Are starting to fade,
And the Council’s refusing to hire.

John Moynes

(Sam Boal/RollingNews.ie)

Minister for Defence Simon Coveney launching a Army recruitment campaign

So Coveney is now rather keen,
To dress up more women in green,
Let’s face it, it’s fun,
To carry a gun,
But the wages are said to be mean.

John Moynes

(RollingNews.ie)

Chess piece-sized crooner Chris De Burgh

This morning’s news may just appall,
If you know a man who is small,
He’s bound to delight,
In starting a fight,
So stick with a chap who is tall.

John Moynes

Pic: Independent.co.uk

Usain Bolt after winning the 100m gold at the World Athletics Championship last night

In China our hero Usain,
Went out and made it quite plain,
When he’s in a race,
Will he takes second place?
That’s so silly it’s almost insane.

John Moynes

Diego Azubel/EPA

Our favourite American dope,
Has just had a pop at the Pope,
It’s a terrible sin,
And if they let him win,
The Republicans haven’t a hope.

John Moynes

(CNN)