The Vatican says that you must
Not cling to your ancestors’ dust
Don’t keep it around
Put it deep in the ground
Or else you will find you’ve been cussed.

John Moynes

Pic: The Big Lebowski

Federico (‘Fede’) Jaime (left) is helped after being bitten by a shark in Maui, Hawai

In Hawaii a rather bright spark
Went out for a surf with a shark
He suffered some harm
To his leg and his arm
But didn’t report on the bark.

John Moynes

Pic: Matt Meola/AP

If the bright sparks in government choose
To make shopkeepers hide all the booze
Then the plain folk won’t think
To purchase a drink
I just can’t see how they could lose.

John Moynes

Rollignnews

Stills from a cancelled  UK Conservative Party General Election video wherein a DUP and a Sinn Féin member become clowns

It’s sad that the Tories turned down
A film that featured a clown
Because clowns are so in
That this bit of spin
Would have been the talk of the town.

John Moynes

Pics Via The Irish News

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton during the US Presidential Election debate last night

With dignity someone can choose
To stand like a man if they lose
From deep in the pit
You can dig up a shit
Who’ll hint in advance he’ll refuse.

John Moynes

Pics: NBC

If you’re planning to suffer a crime
Make sure that you pick the right time
If you meet with a thug
And allow him to mug
You next month you’ll be left in the slime.

John Moynes

Rollingnews

David Attenborough, during the filming of BBC’s Life on Earth in 1979, has called for more privacy for gorillas in zoos

If you’re going out to the zoo
Spare a thought on just what you will do
It’s rather unfair
To openly stare
So why not dress up as a gnu?

John Moynes

Pic: BBC

The British, like many folk,choose
To get their nutrition from booze
I must admit that
It’s quite low on fat
So I can’t see how they could lose.

John Moynes

Pic: MailOnline

There once was a fellow named Bob
Who made pretty sounds with his gob
He gave old fashioned folk
One hell of a poke
And turned out the best at his job.

John Moynes

Pic: Getty

The government’s pushing up tax
On sugary drinks to the max
But just so you know
Your sugary Joe
Doesn’t fizz, so you can all relax.

John Moynes

Pic: Pixaby