Norwegian guide Johan Mikkelson with an 89lb cod

In Norway someone with a rod,
May well land an almighty cod,
If you get your wish,
And catch a coffee fish,
Then give thanks to some undersea god.

John Moynes

Pic: Sportsquest Holidays

Happy to announce that I am BACK on UFC 200!
Shout out to @danawhite and @lorenzofertitta on getting this one done for the fans. #Respect

— Conor McGregor (@TheNotoriousMMA) April 25, 2016

After copping a whole load of flack,
Young Conor McGregor is back,
When he said he’d retire,
He was yanking your wire,
And wasn’t it brilliant craic?

John Moynes

Sinn Féin’s 1916 commemoration outside the GPO this morning

A moustachiode fellow named Clarke
Who found insurrection a lark
Said “Beating the Brits
May sound tricky but it’s
Like taking a walk in the park.”

John Moynes

Rollingnews

Members of ‘Friends of Abe’, from left: Gary Sinise, Kelsey Grammar and Jon Voight

It’s time for us to bid goodnight,
To the home of the Hollywood Right,
A shabby old club,
That served lousy grub,
And never sent me an invite.

John Moynes

Getty

Former Armagh GAA football captain Jarlath Burns

A high profile GAA man,
Has alienated a fan,
With a comment that said,
That the shape of her head,
Resembled the back of a van.

John Moynes

Derry Journal

Utah Governor Gary Herbert (above) signed a resolution which declares pornography “a public health hazard

In Utah they’re pouring their scorn,
On the evil temptations of porn,
So bodily bits,
Like arses and tits,
Are banned now, along with the horn.

John Moynes

(Bloomberg)

https://vine.co/v/iFA2TupJhYt

Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump at rally in Buffalo, New York last night

The gap between seven and nine,
Is naught but a very fine line,
And if Don makes a slip,
As he shoots from the hip,
There’s no need to nit-pick and whine.

John Moynes

Artist Ashley Illma Gore with her portrait of Donald Trump

An artist named Gore may be sued,
If she flogs off a tatty old nude,
It’s not bad, as it stands,
But she drew tiny hands,
And the whole thing looks crazy and rude.

John Moynes

Pic: Ilma Gore

In a cock-up that’s tricky to beat,
A coder managed to delete,
All his customers’ sites,
Now it’s time for last rites,
His career has been short if not sweet.

John Moynes

(Digital Journal)

Maura Healy Rae and her father Danny during the General Election 2016

I see that the new Healy-Rae,
Has something important to say,
She doesn’t aspire,
To live in The Shire,
And hide rural housing away.

John Moynes

Pic: Dan MacMonagle

Previously: Continuity Healy Rae