Manchester United legend Eric Cantona surprised fans by sharing a video showing an erect penis cracking an egg
Does anyone think that it’s bad
To crack open an egg with one’s lad?
Because there’s a chance
That a fellow from France
Has made it a new viral fad
John Moynes
Pic: Instagram
Amateur snooker player James Cahill celebrates his World Championship victory over world number one Ronnie O’Sullivan yesterday
Poor Ronnie, the world number one
Wasn’t having a great deal of fun
When a fellow called James
Took the match by two frames
Which meant that his work here was done
John Moynes
Pic: Sky
Comedian Volodymyr Zelenskiy won Ukraine’s Presidential vote yesterday in a landslide
Ukraine has elected a bloke
Who is best known for telling a joke
And it seems that this man
Is bereft of a plan
He won using mirrors and smoke
John Moynes
Pic via Time
The GAA is to ban overseas training for county squads and will also impose a restriction on the duration of home-based camps, the Irish Independent reports
The athletic heroes who play
Gaelic games must do so without pay
And now a new rule
Which seems rather cruel
Insists that they can’t go away
John Moynes
Pic: Balls.ie
Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said there is an open invitation to Donald Trump to visit Ireland but the US President might only accept via Twitter
We may only find out by tweet
That Ireland’s expected to greet
An unwanted guest
That orange sex pest
Who might come to play golf, and to cheat
John Moynes
Pic: The White House
The R2D2 – formerly the R242 – near Malin Head in Co Donegal where scenes from the ‘The Last Jedi’, were filmed
Sci-fi haters may want to avoid
A boreen named after a droid
For while R2-D2
Is charming, that’s true
It’s not how his name should be employed
John Moynes
Pic: PA
Recovered bicycles at Lusk Garda station last Summer. Almost 4,000 bikes were stolen in Dublin last year
If you’re cycling buy a strong lock
Or you’ll quickly be in for a shock
For some folk just like
Making off with a bike
I hope they end up in the dock
John Moynes
Pic: Garda Press Office
A Papua New Guinean fad
To try and add heft to one’s lad
Has attracted some men
Who get treated and then
The effects are predictably bad
John Moynes
Pic: Allstock
Last year’s Presidential runner-up Peter Casey will contest Midlands-North West in the European Elections
Remember our old buddy Pete
Who stood up against Ireland’s elite
That spend all their nights
In five-star halting sites?
Well he’s going to do a repeat
John Moynes
John Moynes by Alan O’Regan
Last month, while celebrating 1,500 Limericks a Day from the pen of John Moynes – making him Ireland’s most prolific published poet – we asked you to send your best wishes in verse.
The following each win a copy of John’s debut volume of poetry, Scenes Of Moderate Violence which is published on April 18 (see below).
A prolific poet called Moynes
Picked up his pen and girded his loins
Wrote a Limerick per day
which the ‘sheet did display
and often the reader rejoins!
Sam
A prolific poet called Moynes,
Picked up his pen and girded his loins,
“I will shoot from the hip,
and I will not give a jip,”
Said the prolific poet called Moynes
BOJ
A prolific poet called Moynes,
Picked up his pen and girded his loins,
With each rise of the sun,
He Limericked and spun,
A career from an online sojourn.
Newsjustin
A prolific poet called Moynes,
Picked up his pen and girded his loins,
Now that is quite heinous
It’s a pen not a penis
That metaphallic aesthetic of groins.
Nigel
prolific poet called Moynes,
Grabbed his pen and girded his loins.
He’s the ‘sheet’s five-line-truther,
Forsooth there’s none smoother,
(Though, at times one can *just* see the joins).
Gary Flood
Scenes Of Moderate Violence is the debut poetry collection from John.
Written between 2013 and 2016 it depicts a “world recovering from economic turmoil and then collapsing into fear and despair”. There is also a bit about a time travelling cowboy who can recite two poems at once.
One FREE copy to the first person to spot artist Alan O’Regan’s signature in John’s portrait ( top).
Previously: Poems For Moynes
Earlier: A Limerick A Day
