A scene from Cinema Paradiso (1988) where the local priest had ordered sections of movies to be censored
The cinemas in Italy
Had a state imposed morality
But it seems now’s the time
To abolish the crime
Of letting folk choose what they see
Miramax
Wales-born stowaway Brian Robson (above) is seeking the two Irishmen who helped mail himself home in a crate from Australia in 1965
Some Paddies in Oz put their mate
Who was homesick inside a large crate
And sent him home by mail
Which is quite a fun tale
Though he could have met a nasty fate
BBC/Getty
The toxic impact of pesticides on bees and other pollinators has doubled in a decade, studies show
Pesticides that won’t harm you and me
May display increased toxicity
To an invertebrate
So this news isn’t great
To those who stand up for the bee
Stockphoto
A majority of Green Party TDs and Senators have called for Dublin Lord Mayor Hazel Chu (above) to step aside as chairwoman of the party during her Seanad bid
The Greens don’t seem to have a clue
How to deal with Lord Mayor Hazel Chu
So they hope she’ll take note
Of a non-binding vote
Which indicates what she might do
Conditions in the deep sea mimic key ageing factors that contribute to the flavour of wine
A wine making expert has said
The best place to store bottles of red
Might turn out to be
Quite deep under the sea
So I reckon that he’s off his head
Bodega Crusoe Treasure
The Parish Priest of Our Lady of Lourdes church in Cavan say he will defy paying any fines for saying mass
A Cavan-based priest Fr Hughes
Has decided that he will refuse
To follow the rules
Dreamed up by some fools
Who don’t want to see arses on pews
Dredgers, excavators and tugboats worked through weekend to free the cargo ship
Canal fans will want to take note
That in Suez, the Evergreen boat
Is still in the way
But authorities say
That before long it will be afloat
AFP/Getty
Earlier: Memey McMemeFace
Irish Times journalist Frank McNally (right) is attempting to revive what he calls the ‘traditional joke’
Frank McNally asserts that the joke
Is endangered and likely to croak
So if you think it’s worthwhile
Encouraging mirth I’ll
Suggest you share gags with more folk
Shutterstock/Irish Times
Tests reveal a hitherto unknown molecular switch that controls brain growth and makes the human organ three times larger than brains in the great apes
Some boffins have tried to explain
Why I’ve got such a very large brain
A progenitor cell
Gives the order to swell
Which leads to grey matter weight gain
A quarter of vegetarian meat substitutes contain insufficient protein, according to Safefood
Some boffins have findings which mean
Vegetarians may lack protein
If their diet includes
Lots of pre-prepared foods
Like Linda McCartney’s cuisine
Pic: Lidl
