How your party can respond to the big General Election 2016 campaign issues.
All the possibilities at your fingertips.
(Delete as appropriate)
Dan Boyle (above) writes:
When elected our party will…
1. On the Economy:
a) Keep the recovery going
b) Bring an end to Austerity
c) Achieve a fair society
2. On Taxation we will bring an end to the hated:
a) Universal Social Charge
b) Local Property Tax
c) )Water Charges
d) Carbon Tax
e) Corporation Tax
3. On Law and Order/Peace and Security/Restorative Justice we will:
a) Close more Garda stations
b) End the Special Criminal Court
c) Establish a Citizens Militia trained to use bullhorns and armed with appropriate protest slogans.
4. On The Environment we will make Ireland fossil fuel free from:
a) 2030
b) 2050
c) 2100
d) Burn Baby Burn
5. On Health we will:
a) Continue to blame the HSE
b) Make trollies more comfortable
c) Make illness illegal
d) Do what we did in the six counties
6. On Transport we will:
a) Roll our more bypasses and motorways in the constituencies of Government Ministers
b) Blacken the windows of all buses to save users the embarrassment of others thinking they have no cars
C) Have Ryanair operate the Government Jet
7. On Education we will:
a) Give every citizen a degree
b) Issue every student with a laptop. Broadband will follow during the lifetime of the following government.
c) Make sure everyone gets teached properly
8. On Political Reform we will:
a) Do nothing
b) Think about it
c) Do something cosmetic
d) Are you mad?
9. On Europe we will:
a) Agree with the UK
b) Agree with Germany
c) Agree with Greece
10. On Immigration we will:
a) Welcome all as we’ve been welcomed elsewhere
b) Take some in but leave them in limbo once they’re here
c) Say they’re all here to take our jobs and rip off our welfare system
11. On Childcare we will:
a) Have your babies for you
b) Institute one year paid paternity leave to be paid at the rate of Jobseeker’s Allowance
c) Make Child Benefit payable to the fifth and any subsequent child only
12. On Social Welfare we will:
a) Root out all fraud, except tax fraud, or any activity undertaken by Tipperary based TDs
b) Standardise all payments to Romanian rates
c) Call anyone in need a scrounger
13. On the Eighth Amendment we will:
a) Do nothing
b) Repeal
c) Replace
d) Oh holy Mother of God
14. On Arts and Culture we say
a) There’s too much of it
b) There’s not enough of it
c) We have just enough of it
d) You’d miss Charlie Haughey
15. On Drugs we say:
a) Legalise
b) Lock up anyone who uses any substance, except alcohol or tobacco of course
c) Yes please
d) No thank you
16. On Government Formation it can be:
a) Anyone but Fine Gael
b) Anyone but Sinn Féin
c) Anyone but Fianna Fáil
d) Let Michael O’Leary run the country
*Disclaimer – Don’t expect any of this to be followed up on
Dan Boyle is a former Green Party TD. Follow Dan on Twitter: @sendboyle
