Good news for those who miss white fish,
As it looks like you’ll soon get your wish,
We left some alive,
And they’ve started to thrive,
So pile more cod onto your dish.

John Moynes

(Guardian)

Former GAA Kerry footbal captain Paul Galvin

The popular Kerry man, Paul,
Well known for his skills with a ball,
Has signed up with Dunnes,
And might just earn tons,
If he gets any hours at all.

John Moynes

Owen Killian: CEO Aryzta

A Swiss firm who like to make bread,
Felt all of their faces turn red,
In place of a snack,
They baked up some smack,
An unfortunate error, they said.

John Moynes

(Aryzta)

I don’t care which tipple you choose,
Just go out and panic-buy booze,
And stash what you chose,
Before the pubs close,
If you’re sober tomorrow you lose.

John Moynes

(Photocall Ireland)

From left: Jose Aldo, Dana White and Conor McGregor yesterday

The UFC boss, Dana White,
Will rent out Croke Park for a night,
And thousands will go,
To see the big show,
And hopefully, also, a fight.

John Moynes

(UFC)

Earlier: The Cupla Focail

There’s something I think I should say,
Before you devour your five a day,
The wrong kind of fruit,
Could empty your flute,
And scare half your sperm cells away.

John Moynes

(Telegraph)

Teenagers won’t want to hear it,
But popstars eventually quit,
In the slow dissection,
Of poor One Direction,
Next on the agenda’s the split.

John Moynes

(Billboard)

Michael Healy-Rae TD

The blue shirted boffins all say,
That in Kerry the young Healy-Rae,
Pulls every last trick,
To appear as a hick,
But will they defeat him? No way.

John Moynes

(Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland)

Jeremy Clarkson

You can’t say it’s been a good week,
For the old right wing motoring geek,
He’s lost his big role,
Now he’s facing the dole,
And a session in front of a beak.

John Moynes

(BBC)

There seems to be something amiss,
Our teenagers aren’t on the piss,
They must lack the cash,
To go on the lash,
I can’t see what else could cause this.

John Moynes

(Rex)